Through the Eyes of the Champion
by ashleyabrucker
Summary: Shilo Hawke's life has never been easy, nor does she think it ever will be. Being an apostate mage in Ferelden can be pretty dangerous at times. Pre-game. Game and post game. Some change in dialoge: M for later chapters. please R&R!
1. The Death of Malcolm Hawke

But I didn't know I'd love you so much.

I didn't know I'd love you so much.

I didn't know I loved you so much, but i do.

Shilo, go...

Dad I will not leave you here you will live

But you've already saved me dear, now go and change the world for me

And we will always have eachother in our time of need.

(Daddy you're the world to me)

(Shilo you're the world to me)

-Repo the Genetic Opera, I didn't know I'd love you so much

"RUN BETHANY!" I shouted as I shot a bolt of lightening back behind me at the templars that followed in persuit. I couldn't lead them back to the family farm, that just wouldn't be fair, but I couldn't let Bethany lead them there as well. I ran faster and grabbed my younger sister's hand. Perhaps our father was right to have us practice magic in the safety of our home's walls and not out in the open. I couldn't resist the urge to practice with Bethany in a clearing that had apperantly been a hotspot for templars, but we didn't know that at the time...until it was too late.

"HALT APOSTATES! IN THE NAME OF ANDRASTE STOP!" one of the templars shouted from behind us as he sent out a Holy Smite that was meant to drain my mana. I was lucky that i was a good distance away from the templar, because my father, Malcolm, had told me that the templar's Holy Smite hurt like using all of our mana in one spell. I could still feel the edge of it though, a good part of my mana drained, but not all of it.

"Shilo," Bethany gasped for air and she slowed down.

"Keep running Bethany," I whispered into my sister's ear before I pulled her along after me. An arrow flew between the two of us, nearly hitting Bethany's neck. I let out a relieved breath and rushed down the path. Here soon we'd be going in a large circle, and I was sure that the templars noticed this as well.

"I-can't Shilo," Bethany slowed down even more, almost stopping.

"I can't leave you, Beth. Mother would kill me," I tried to joke. I grew serious suddenly, "It's my fault we're in this situation. I'll protect you as well as I can."

I could tell that my sister wanted to argue with me, but she knew better than to do so while I was in the mood I was now in. I wasn't really up for facing off against a bunch of templars that had much more training than I did, but I was willing to sacrifice everything to protect my family. I was taught to put my family first and my needs second, so that was the way that it was going to be from this moment on. I wasn't going to let templars get their hands on my sister just because we were raised outside the Circle. I couldn't allow it to happen. I would never be able to forgive myself if anything were to happen to her because of me. The two templars who'd been chasing us finally caught up, causing me to ready myself for a massive spell. I drew out my staff and held out my hand as I tried to control my breathing. Three was no way this was going to end peacefully, even if I was to try to talk through this. My silver tongue usually weasled me out of trouble, but I had a feeling it wasn't going to help me out this time. I started to reach into the Fade to amplify my magic, when a large fireball came from behind Bethany and me, and flew right into one of the templars.

"Andraste's blood!" the other templar dodged the fireball and pulled out a bow and arrow. He was the rouge! Just as I turned to see who our savior was, the templar sent an arrow flying, which hit Malcolm Hawke, my father, in the chest.

Outraged, I pushed Bethany out of the way and hit the templar with every ounce of lightening that I could muster out, wasting almost all of my mana. I fried the templar with my lightening until I was absolutely sure the bastard was dead, and then I rushed to my father's side, while Bethany slowly recovered and lifted herself off of the ground.

"Father, I'm sorry," I breathed out.

"Don't worry about it, my little bird," Malcolm caughed.

"I-I can try to heal you," blue light started to glow from my hands. "I-I _will_ heal you."

"Little bird," Malcolm shook his head, "take care of our family. Take care of your mother and-" His body went limp in my arms. Tears filled my eyes as reality began to sink in about what had just happed here. I closed my eyes and held my father's body as close as I possibly could. All of this was my fault, if I wouldn't have encouraged Bethany in practicing with me out in the open, my father would have still been alive. I let out a heartbroken sob and screamed like a crazed woman at the Heavens. I felt Bethany put her hand on my shoulder to comfort me, but this was something that I couldn't handle at the moment. I already knew how my brother Carver, Bethany's twin, was going to react to this. It was going to be my fault even in his eyes, maybe even my mother's as well. Bethany had no blame, and I was going to ensure that none of the blame was placed on her.

"I promise, Father," I whispered against his dead body. "I promise you I will take care of our family."

* * *

I stared at the burning remains of my father blankly, almost unable to react in any way or form to the situation I was now in. I had been right, as soon as I showed up to the Hawke Farm carrying my father's body, my younger brother, Carver, had immediately blamed me for it. It hurt, yes, but I had known it was coming, so it didn't really surprise me. My mother, on the other hand, didn't say anything to me. For the first hour she wouldn't even look at me, which hurt even more than my brother blaming me and cursing me to everlasting misery. If it could have been any other way, I would have given up my life for my father's, but fate hadn't been that kind to me, which meant I was pretty much screwed. The only one who didn't blame me was Bethany, but that was only because she was too sweet to even think about saying anything. I reached out for Carver, but he pulled angrily away from me, muttering something about magic cursing our family's very blood.

"Carver," I started.

"DON'T!" he shouted at me. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY RIGHT NOW!"

"Carver, please," I sobbed, but my brother wouldn't listen. He shoved past me and stomped his way back into the house.

I started to go after him, but Bethany stopped me, "Let me talk to him, Shi. I'll tell him what happened."

_Like that will change his mind about what happened_, I thought bitterly, but I nodded and let her past. What was I going to do about all of this? I couldn't see anyway to fix things for my family. My father was the one that kept us well hidden, and...and well now it was my turn. I looked over at my mother as Bethany went after Carver. I was surprised to see that she was actually looking at me this time. Sadness was clear in her eyes, but there was no blame for my father's death there. It didn't help the guilt I felt about what happened to my father, and not one thing was going to change that.

"I love you, Father," I whispered before I walked towards Lothering.


	2. A New Member of the Family

Lately I've been wondering

Off the narrow path

You've given me so many things that I've never had

And all in all I know it's you that always pulls me through

If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true

'Cause I hate the way I feel tonight

And I know I need you in my life

Yes I hate the way I feel inside

And I promise to make a sacrifice

-12 Stones "The Way I Feel"

I sat in Dane's Refuge by the fireplace and stared into the fire. Carver and Bethany were at home with our mother, caring for her over the last four months had taken it's toll on me, and the best and safest escape was the tavern. I loved Ferelden, it was where I'd lived my entire life, but I was now making plans to relocate my family. Mother didn't want to leave, but we didn't have a place here. Bethany and I were still apostates, and we just couldn't leave our mother or Carver behind. That would just be against my promise to my father, and that was why I wasn't going to give them a choice when I finally decided to take my family away. Everyone needed to mourn Father properly before I even was to bring that up. Bethany and Mother started to visit the Chantry regularly, their way to cope with the loss of Father, who was an advant believer in the Maker and his Bride-Prophet Andraste, and Carver, he started to practice with the two-handed sword, sparing with his friends in the field outside the Hawke Farm. I'd sneak up and watch him for a while, entertaining the thought of my brother one day being a warrior, but that always meant that he'd leave us. I saw several templars enter Dane's Refuge and held my breath. They were off-duty, but to be a born apostate mage, one had to be able to spot templars when they saw them. I leaned back in my chair as I recognized the boy who lived just a mile from our farm. I had forgotten that he had ran off to become a templar. As soon as he saw me, a big grin spread across his face.

"Shi, it's nice to see you," he sat casually at my table.

"No one calls me that anymore," I tried to smile back at him. "It's nice to see you too, Lucas."

"What does everyone call you these days? 'Hawke'?" Lucas smirked. I nodded and he busted out laughing, "I thought that was your old-man's title."

I took a gulp off my tankard of ale, "It was until he went to be with the Maker." I hung my head and let out a sigh, "How can this even happen to us right now? What did he ever do to deserve to die?"

"Perhaps the Maker _needed_ Malcolm by his side," Lucas placed his hand on mine. I quickly pulled my hand away. Lucas may have been a friend of mine before my father died, but I just couldn't handle a **templar** touching me at the moment. The templars would have me be made tranquil if they were given the chance, and though it was my fault my father was dead, I still held the templars responsible. It didn't matter that the templar who killed my father was dead, I still held onto that anger, even though that made me a danger to demonic possession.

"I'm sorry," I covered my anger with a fake smile, "I just haven't been myself since my father died."

"That's completely understandable, Shi...I mean Hawke," Lucas shook his head. "That must be hard to adjust to."

"Not really," I shrugged. "It seems right."

"So...how's Little Hawke?" Lucas joked.

"Carver?" I frowned.

"Who else?" Lucas laughed. He'd never been that good at comforting someone.

I resisted the urge to rush off back to my farm, but I did make it clear I didn't want to talk about my brother. That was why I was at the tavern, I wanted to escape the blame-filled looks that Carver always cast my way whenever he _did_ look at me. He didn't even talk to me anymore, he hadn't since I brought Father home draped over my shoulder. For that fact, neither did Mother. Only Bethany talked to me, but she made sure to stay away from the fact that our father was dead. I knew that she always admired our father's staff, but I was selfish and wasn't willing to let her even touch it. I placed everything of Malcolm Hawke's into a locked chest and litterally kept the key close to my heart... on a chain around my neck. The ale was pumping through my veins, causing me to get slightly tipsy. I placed my head in my hands and frowned at Lucas, "Why did you become a templar?"

"So I could serve the Maker, Shilo," Lucas gave me a look like I was insane. "I wanted to have meaning to my life, and being a templar has a lot of meaning and purpose."

I bit down on my tongue and looked back at the fire, _How could you want to join an order of men and women who hunt down innocent mages and take them away from their families? How could you join the very order that murdered my father? _I really wanted to say those things, but I didn't. I couldn't say those things without ratting myself out as an apostate. Life was never that easy, and I was sure that my family wouldn't be happy if I outted myself as an apostate mage. I stood and nodded politely to Lucas, "I'm sorry, I better get going home."

"It was nice to see you, 'Hawke'. May the Maker sooth your pain," Lucas nodded back at me.

I walked out of the tavern quickly, but not too fast to make it look like I was running away from the templar. I had been inside Dane's Refuge for hours, so when I walked through the doors, the sun had already set in Lothering. By the fence, there was a man with a crate and a large Mabari Warhound beside it. I looked at the man, it was clear he was a soldier, and by the looks of him and his Mabari, he was an Ash Warrior. Instantly curious, I wondered over to the man so I could find out what was inside the crate. I looked at him and at the Mabari, "Are you selling something?"

"Mabari pups," the Ash Warrior replied. "Astrid and I can't join back up with Cailan's army until I get rid of this last pup. I thought Lothering would be a good place with all the farms, but no one seems interested in Mabari's here right now."

"How much are you asking for him?" I peaked into the crate and saw the cutest little Mabari. I smiled, he was perfect. Mother and Bethany needed someone to visit with and to protect them eventually, so I pulled out my coin-purse. "I have twenty soveriegns on me. It's the best I can do..." The Ash Warrior surprised me by taking the soveriegns and he handed me the pup. I couldn't help but smile even more as the pup began to lick my face, it's stubbed tail wagged happily and a soft little bark came from the adorable little Mabari. I headed home, excited to show my family the new addition to our family. I was absolutely sure that everyone would just love the puppy. "Come on, Raven, let's take you to meet your new family."


	3. Hard Choices

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.

Become so tired, so much more aware.

I'm becoming this, all I want to do.

Is be more like me and be less like you.

-Linkin Park "Numb"

I found myself staring across the courtyard of the chantry, where men were signing up to join King Cailen's army. I would just die if Carver ever did anything as stupid as that right now. I couldn't handle not being able to keep an eye on my brother if he left. When I saw Carver with his friends Waylen and Theodore over with the men joining up with the King's army, my heart nearly jumped up into my throat, but I decided not to do anything at the moment until I knew for a fact that was what he was doing. I was the head of house, my father had left me in charge, and I wasn't going to **allow** Carver to run off and play soldier. Not when our family needed him there. He was the only one besides our mother that made us look even remotely normal, though Bethany and I felt uncomfortable in the Chantry, our mother and brother seemed quite comfortable in the simple yet dangerous place. I only felt comfortable going into the Chantry if I was with my mother, I wouldn't go in with even Bethany alone. One time one of the sisters, Leliana, had tried to get me to go inside and speak with her, but I couldn't get myself to do it. I made an excuse and ran off as fast as I could back home.

"...seriously, Carver is, Shilo," Bethany was saying.

"Sorry, what?" I frowned at her.

"Carver is in love with that Peaches girl who lives by the river," Bethany giggled. "I understand that she fancies him as well."

"We won't live here long enough to find out," I murmured to myself.

"What?" Bethany looked at me.

"Do you know what he's doing?" I couldn't see him now, because the croud had grown.

"I'm not sure," Bethany shrugged. "For the last year he's not really been talking to me. I _really_ think he is mad at me too."

"He's not mad at you," I shook my head. "He knows who to blame for things like that, and it's definitely not you." I shifted so that I could have a better look at what was going on, but I had no such luck. If I went up there, I would probably end up joining the King's army just to spite myself and the templars everywhere, but I wasn't that stupid to risk myself like that. I couldn't risk leaving my family here alone. It would just be wrong to do, and if Carver thought he was going to join to get out of this family, it was going to be over my dead body. Our father had been dead for little over a year, and the more time went by, the more we all got used to him not really being around anymore. Even my mother had gotten into a rutine. I crossed my arms and watched nervously. Something told me that my brother was joining the army just to spite me, he was tired of always having to be careful not to draw too much attention to himself because of our family, though this faze just seemed to start resently. For the strangest reason, I couldn't pull myself away. There was rumors that King Cailan was trying to grow an army larger that than his father-in-law's to gain more favor with the man, but that only sounded like a good way into egging a man on into getting into a war. That was my oppinion anyways. I looked anxiously at Bethany and breathed out, "Tell Mother that I went to check on Raven. I think I'm going to let him run in the fields."

_By now we should have been homefree in Tevinter, but no, I just had to let Mother have her house she built with Father. I have no idea what I'm going to do if Carver joins with King Cailan's men, _I thought frantically. I wasn't even sure what my father would have done, but I felt that he didn't need to leave his family, even if he hated me. I crossed the picture-perfect little village of Lothering, and made my way through the feilds to the Hawke Farm. Raven was barking loudly from within the gated fence around my house. _The only thing that would give away that we're Fereldens in Tevinter is the fact that we treat our dog like it's a human_, I thought to myself, trying to stay amused, but also trying to keep my mind off of my stubborn little brother. I opened the gate and motioned my head for Raven to follow me. Immediately the Mabari obeyed, having imprinted on me when he was only a pup. Carver would **hate** my choice of destanation once I feel that my family wrapped everything up, but at least in Tevinter, Bethany and I wouldn't have to live in fear. The very thought of truly being free warmed me to the bone. Right now, it was the closest thing I had to a dream.

Six months after my father died, I took over on training Bethany, and I even started sparing with Carver...though my brother had a lot of rage, and that was the only reason he accepted to spar with me. Bethany was a gifted healer, better than I was anyways. She continued to have an innocence to her, even though the world around us was going to shit. I was praying to the Maker, that one day, I would be able to look at the world like my sister did, just so I could see the beauty in it that I did once before. I missed the days when I wasn't "Hawke", which is what everyone started to call me once my father died. Strangely, that was how I felt whenever I was in the presence of a templar. I felt like a hawk. I shook myself out of my thoughts and ran through the field, allowing Raven to chase quickly after me. All the magic I wanted to release, all of the demons that haunted me within the Fade at night, I just let the thoughts of those things vanish as I ran through the field of my farm with my best friend not far behind me. I often thought about just giving up on the struggle against my nature and just let the demons in, but then I'd be letting my father, Malcolm Hawke, down. If he knew how I was thinking, he would have probably beat me with his staff, which is probably what I was needing.

By the end of my run with Raven, the two of us ended up by the river about a mile from my house. My faithful Mabari rushed into the river, cooling himself off. I leaned against a tree and looked over at my best friend, "Do you think Carver is signing up to join?" Raven barked slightly, I took that as a yes. "But his family is **here**. His duty is to us before anyone else." Raven wined loudly and tilted his head. "Oh, I _know_ that it's his choice if he goes or not, but I can't let him go." I got a growl with that one. "Oh, you think I should just let him go if that's what he chooses to do? He's only sixteen!" Raven barked happily and wagged his nubbin. "Shit! Andraste's bloody ass!" I cursed mainly to myself. Sure, Raven may have only been a Mabari, but he was the smartest creature in all of Thedas if you had to ask me. And he had a point. If Carver wanted to go off and play soldier, who was I to stop him?

* * *

It was late when I returned home with Raven, but everyone was still up. Both Mother and Bethany were arguing with Carver over something, and as soon as Raven and I walked through the door, everyone went quiet. Carver had a large pack in his hands, and I knew immediately what he was doing.

"Carver...don't do this," I whispered.

"I don't fit in here, _Hawke_," Carver glared at me. "Even though you stay out of everyone's attention, you don't. Everyone notices you, Sister, and I'm not 'Carver' to everyone here. I'm 'Hawke's kid brother' or 'that Hawke boy'. I'm tired of walking in your shadow, so don't try to stop me."

"You don't live in my shadow, Carver," I frowned helplessly.

"You're too blind to the that what I say is true," Carver rolled his eyes and moved away from me. "I'm leaving here weither or not you like it."

"I know," I whispered. He actually gave my mother and Bethany a proper good-bye, but he didn't even look back at me as he left for the road that led to Denerim. I bit my lip as I held back my tears and rage, and I prayed to the Maker and Andraste to protect my baby brother no matter what happened. I couldn't believe that he thought that he lived in my shadow, but there was nothing that I could do to change his oppinion about that. There wasn't a point in even trying, not right now. Now all I had left was my mother and my sister.


	4. Lost in Thought

"Hey, Shilo," Bethany waved her hand in front of my face. "Did you hear what I just said to you?"

"I'm sorry Bethany," I sighed. "What were you saying?"

"Carver sent a letter," Bethany smiled. "He's doing very good. I was actually surprised when the messanger gave it to me... He sends his love."

"Does he really?" I looked at her.

Bethany didn't look at me, "Yes."

"You're lying," I shook my head. "Bethany, you can't tell me that Carver sends his love to me, when he really doesn't. It's just not right. Now, let's get to the barn and practice those healing spells of yours, since you're set on being a healer."

"Why can't you just believe me when I say Carver loves you?" Bethany frowned. "He's been gone a year now. He _should_ feel like he's gotten out of your shadow."

I laughed. I didn't mean to sound so cold-hearted, but Carver didn't care much for me at the moment. Right now he was probably still trying to get used to the hard life of a soldier, and if he was to come back home, I'd welcome him back with open arms. I'd spent the twelve and a half months that Carver had been gone in the Chantry a bit more and more. The company of the Reviered Mother seemed to calm me, but I was still shaken by the presance of the templars running around the Chantry. I had gone through too much in the last year, trying to get everything ready for my family to move to the Tevinter Imporium. I had coin saved up, but I needed more if we were going to survive even a month in Tevinter. I figured another year or maybe two of saving coin, I'd be able to get my family away from the clutches of the Chantry, and that I'd be able to get them to the safety of Tevinter, where Bethany and I wouldn't have to hide our gifts of magic any longer. The longer we stayed, the more impossible it seemed to me that we'd be able to leave. Mother was attatched to the the house she'd built with my father, and she was also attatched to the small village of Lothering. Bethany was also attatched to the village, not that there was anything wrong with that, but I just _couldn't_ leave without them either.

"Bethany, don't worry about what's going on between Carver and I," I motioned for her to follow me. I'd been teaching her how to use elemental magic, but she was much better at healing. That was why, at this time, I was teaching her how to get stronger with her healing magic. Without our father there to teach her, I was the only teacher Bethany had left. My sister followed me to the barn, Raven barked and wagged his stump of a tail as he followed us into the barn. For some reason, my faithful Mabari loved to be around Bethany and me while we practiced our magics. Of course, Raven loved to be anywhere I was. I leaned against a beam and looked at my younger sister, "May I see the letter that Carver sent?"

Bethany pulled the folded letter out and happily handed it to me. I opened it carefully, it was the first letter he'd sent since he left Lothering over a year ago. By the looks of his handwritting, I could tell that my brother was actually happy for once.

_Dear family,  
I know that it has been some time since I left you, and I apologize for not writing sooner. My training went well, I am now a full member of King Cailan's army, and the pay isn't that bad either. I hope that you are all well, and Bethany, I'm sorry that I left without really talking to you. Mother, I pray you are well and that Lothering is still treating you well. I don't know when or if I will be returning home, but you will be the first ones to know when I decide. I got to see a _real_ Grey Warden in Denerim, it was interesting, I found out that the Ferelden Grey Warden's base is here in the city, and I hope that one day soon I will be able to see one again. Give Raven a bone from me and tell Hawke that I hope she is well...or don't, it doesn't matter. Mother, Bethany, I send my love to the two of you, and I pray to the Maker that I will see you soon.  
Sincerly, Carver Hawke_

I had been right, Carver hadn't sent me his love. He hoped that I was well, but that was it. Disappointed, I folded the letter back up and handed it right to Bethany. It really wasn't fair, but it went to prove that my brother was still angry with me. Bethany placed her hand on my shoulder, "He didn't say it, but he does love you."

"Don't worry about it," I shrugged. "One day he will forgive me about what happened to Father."

"There is nothing to forgive," Mother said from the doorway of the barn. "Shi, you did **nothing** wrong, you were just being a child."

"Sixteen and trying to have fun with magic isn't right," I looked at Bethany, "I'm sorry, Sister, but I've got to go. I'm not in the state of mind to teach anything right now." I walked past my mother quickly, trying to escape from the situation. Immidiately, Raven followed behind me.

"Shilo! Please, come back and talk!" Mother called out from behind me, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. Everything was still painful. Two years ago my father died, and I was still having trouble filling his shoes.

* * *

"Seriously, Hawke, have you thought about it?" Bethany smirked at me.

"I won't do it," I crossed my arms. "I'm sorry Bethany, but Father protected us so we wouldn't have to grow up in the Circle. I won't throw myself into a prison."

"What if it really isn't that bad," Bethany offered.

"Father wouldn't have approve," I stated coldly. "If you're thinking about throwing your life away to join the Circle, I'll lock you in the barn."

"I wouldn't have the nerve to do it without you at my side," Bethany said truthfully.

_Thank the Maker for that_, I thought. "Have you heard from Carver lately?"

"No, but I'm sure there's a good reason for that," Bethany smiled. "Did you know that Mother is from Kirkwall?"

Of course I knew, Father had told me countless stories about his escape from the Cicle in Kirkwall just so he could runaway and marry my mother. I had thought it was a romantic story for the longest time, and to know the fact that my mother's family, the Amells, had disowned my mother and her children, made me happy that she ranaway from Kirkwall. The very thought of the templar-filled city gave me the goosebumps. The city-state didn't need _that_ many templars, but they obviously believed that they did. I didn't care for the thought of being in Kirkwall one bit. It made my skin crawl at the thought of being locked up in the Circle of Magi there. All I could do was nod my reply to Bethany, the thought of Father's story had caused a lump to caught in my throat. If Carver were here, he wouldn't want to talk about Kirkwall either, and if Bethany thought we had a chance to even live in the city our mother was from, she was sadly mistaken. Two apostate mages didn't have a chance in a city-state full of templars.

"Are the two of you ready to go to the Chantry?" Mother asked us from the door of the barn.

"I'm not going," I looked up at the ceiling. "I'm sure the Maker will understand."

"Maybe I should stay as well," Bethany sounded unsure.

"No, you can go," I knew that my sister actually wanted to go to the Chantry with our mother. It was the one time she truly felt close to the Maker. Bethany had been speaking more and more about just going to the Circle of Magi and live as the Maker truly wanted them to. I really didn't want to hear my sister speaking like that. Just because a woman that lived hundreds of years ago said that "magic is to serve man and not to rule over them", that didn't mean that mages deserved to be locked away in Circles. I didn't care what the Chantry or the templars thought, no man or elf deserved to be locked up like mages were. If there was anything beneath a slave, it was probably a mage in Ferelden or any other part of Thedas besides Tevinter.

"I would really love it if you joined us, Shi," Mother frowned at me.

"I would perfer not to," I crossed my arms. "You can't really blame me, the templars in there make me very nervous."

Mother nodded, "Your father was the very same way." She stood there a long moment, just staring at me, "You look so much like Malcolm, Shilo, it's almost uncanny."

"Thank you, Mother," I whispered, not letting either of them hear the crack in my voice. "Go, light a candle for Father for me as well." Mother and Bethany both nodded and left the barn. I was left there, staring after the two of them. Something inside me told me that my mother was disappointed that I didn't join them, but I couldn't get myself to go at the moment. I didn't need to run into a templar or the Reviered Mother at this time.


	5. Escape From Lothering

This is my last time she said

As she faded away

It's hard to imagine

But one day you'll end up like me

Then she said

If you want to get out alive

Whoa-oh, run for your life

If you want to get out alive

Whoa-oh, run for your life

-Three Days Grace "Get Out Alive"

I stared across the river at a large bear across the way. I was trying to remain calm. Word had spread throughout Ferelden that the King's army was just south of Lothering at the ruins of Ostagar. They weren't there to defend the borders from intruders, they were facing a different war, and I couldn't help but worry for my brother. They were facing against the darkspawn, an enemy that only surfaced during a Blight. Rumors circulated that King Cailan was confident that they could eradicate the darkspawn once and for all and that he was going to be fighting right along side Grey Wardens. I wanted to run to the ruins of Ostagar to get my brother out of there, but I knew that he was too stubborn to leave his duties as a soldier. The thoughts of my brother down south facing off against a large horde of darkspawn made my heart nearly stop. If they didn't sucseed at stopping the darkspawn there, Ferelden was in a threat to be in a Blight, and one of the first places to go would be Lothering. I took a deep breath and stood. I couldn't keep thinking about this, it was going to end up driving me insane. The little village was already filling up with refugees that were fleeing the darkspawn down south, wanting to get as far north as they could if the darkspawn weren't beaten at Ostagar. My mother and Bethany were a mess as well, not that anyone could blame the two of them. Bethany feared for the safety of her twin brother, and Mother feared for the safety of her only son.

"Hawke!" the templar Lucas called out. "Hey, Leandra is looking for you."

"Why would she send you?" I didn't mean to sound so cold, but ever since the news of the darkspawn, Lucas had started to come around a lot more often than I would have liked. His presance in my house was uncomfortable and made me nervous every time. Mother said that he fancied me, but she was living in a fantasy world. Never would a relationship between a mage and a templar work out. NEVER. Anyone who thought otherwise was a fool to even think that.

"I stopped by and she asked if I could come find you," he smiled at me as he walked up. "I agreed, given the fact that you're my friend and all."

"Thank you, Lucas," I walked as fast as I possibly could around him, but I knew that he was following me. I could feel him behind me. I moved quickly to my house. If it wasn't serious, then I was going to be pretty upset. I hoped that nothing was wrong, but at the same time I hoped to get rid of the pesky templar who decided to be like a puppy and follow me around. "You can go back to your duties now."

"I'm off duty, Hawke," Lucas laughed. "Why do I get the feeling that you don't want me around right now?"

_Because I **don't** want you around me_, I thought bitterly. Only instead of hurting the templar's feelings, I shrugged, "It must be your imagination. I'm well aware that it's pretty wild."

"Very funny," Lucas said from behind me. "If you wish me to leave, just say the words."

"What's going on is probably family business, so it would be best if you leave," I turned to him. "Thank you for coming to speak to me, Lucas. It helped Mother a lot by you coming to get me."

"Anytime, Hawke," Lucas winked at me. "I will stop by tomorrow evening to speak with you."

I nodded and whirled around. I rushed to my house as fast as I possibly could. As soon as I rushed through the door, I found my mother, Bethany, and Raven at the table with my mother's baked cake. I stopped in my tracks as I looked at my family in shock. "Happy Birthday Shilo!" both Mother and Bethany shouted while Raven barked happily. Was it seriously my ninteenth birthday? It almost felt weird having a birthday. It was hard to believe that Father had died three years before, and I should have known that my birthday was now here, Bethany and Carver had turned eighteen just a month before. I just stood there and stared at my family in shock. My birthday just had to land during a messed up time.

"Are you going to say anything, Shi?" Mother asked me.

"I-" I didn't know what to say. I had completely forgotten about my birthday in the given turn of events. Last year for my birthday I waisted the day away at Dane's Refuge drinking down a good part of my savings. So much so that it took me four months to replace what I'd spent at the tavern, but the Chantry Board had good jobs to do inside Lothering that I was all too happy to take to make the coin up. "Thank you both."

"We have to find some beauty in this life, even during the ugliest of times," Bethany smiled at me. I moved around the table and embrased both my mother and my sister in a tight hug. It was very moving of them to think of me even when Carver's life could have been in danger. I wanted to hold onto them both and never let either of them go. They didn't need to do this for me, but they did anyways, which was what touched my heart so much.

"I don't know how to thank you," I let out a light laugh.

"Well, 'thank you' is enough," Mother chuckled.

* * *

Someone was pounding on the door hard, awaking everyone in the house. I got up out of bed and went to the door, where Raven was barking up a storm. I swung the door open, and Carver came barging into the house in a panic.

"Get Mother and Bethany, we have to leave **now**," Carver orded breathlessly, he was dressed fully in armor. He patted Raven on the head, calming the animal down.

"What's going on?" I demanded.

"Cailan is dead...General Loghain ran off the battlefield...I-I ran...I'm just ahead of the horde," Carver gasped out. "Hurry, get Mother and Bethany, Hawke. We have to go. If we don't leave now, the darkspawn will burn us down with everything else."

Mother and Bethany were already awake, they were standing in the main room of the farmhouse. Both of them looked deathly scared, making Carver and me gather a change of clothes, I broke into the chest I was keeping my father's things and grabbed his robes, gloves, boots, and staff. I moved as fast as I could, and both Mother and Bethany finally started to help when they heard people from the village starting to scream. Bethany grabbed my old staff, since I now had our father's staff, and we rushed out the door as fast as we could, the first light of morning started to peak through the sky, and Carver and I pushed Mother and Bethany along, trying to put distance between us and the darkspawn. I couldn't let anything happen, not since now I had all of my family together at last. At least what was left of it. Raven ran at my side, making sure that nothing happened to any of us. I made the mistake of looking back behind me, a good handful of darkspawn were chasing after us, and they were getting closer and closer to my family.

"Run faster!" I ordered my family, earning a glare from my brother, but when he spotted the darkspawn, his eyes widened and he grabbed ahold of our mother to get her to move faster. I was going to go down fighting if the darkspawn did end up catching to us, I didn't really care if they got me, but if they got my family, I would die fighting to get them away. There was no way I was going to let my mother, or my brother and sister put themselves in danger of the darkspawn, not if I could help it. I ran faster, so did my family.

The darkspawn were closing in on us, my mother lost her footing and fell to the ground. Bethany and I stopped and I was pleasantly surprised when Bethany blocked a good number of the darkspawn with a wall of fire. Two managed to get through, so I hit one with a fireball while Carver bashed in the other's with the blade of his claymore issued to the soldiers in King Cailan's army. I helped Mother up and she let out a helpless sob. "I can't believe everything is gone! Everything your father and I built...just gone."

"I'm sorry Mother," I frowned. "I know how much Lothering meant to you."

"I don't mean to be rude, but we better stop messing around and get back to running," Bethany looked at Carver.

"What are you looking at me for? I've been running since Ostagar!" Carver barked angrily.

I cast an uneasy glance over at the darkspawn waiting for the fire to die down, and then I put my attention back on my family, "Enough you two! If we don't get out of here, we won't be running anywhere."

"Listen to your sister," Mother ordered my younger siblings.

Both of them nodded and just as we started to move away from the fire, six darkspawn came rushing at us from both sides. Carver, Bethany, Raven, and I placed ourselves around Mother and defended her from the attacking darkspawn. They were even more horrible looking than I had thought they would be. It was hard to believe that they were once humans, elves, and dwarves. I grabbed ahold of my mother's hand and moved up the hill, allowing Carver and Bethany to lead. Raven stayed behind Mother and me, making sure no more darkspawn attacked from behind. Bethany stopped once we reached the top of the hill and turned to look at me.

"Where are we going?" Bethany asked.

"Away from the darkspawn, where else?" Carver said sarcastically.

"Does it really matter where we go right now? As long as the four of us stay together, anywhere sounds good to me," I stated.

"We can go to Kirkwall," Mother said.

"What?" Bethany's eyes grew big.

"Do you think that's a good idea, Mother?" my heart almost jumped into my throat. "There are a _lot_ of templars in Kirkwall."

"We have family in Kirkwall and an estate," Mother sounded as if that was where she was going, even if the three of us didn't want to. "My brother should take us in."

_Why must I do this to myself? _I searched my pockets and froze. I had my everyday coin-purse on me, my savings had been left in Lothering, back at the farm. The money that I did have on me was just enough to get us to Kirkwall. Though I wanted to go to Tevinter, we wouldn't be able to make it that far. "As long as we stay together," was all I could say without my voice cracking on me. I hated the idea of being stuck in Kirkwall, but Mother made it hard to argue when I knew she was going there with or without me. "We better get moving."

We only got a few feet away from our spot on the hill when another handful of darkspawn attacked us. Again we formed a circle around our mother and defended her. A darkspawn rushed me, I pounded the end of my staff against it's chest, causing the monster to stumble backwards, and I hit it with a harsh ice-spell. We finished off the surrounding darkspawn, just to see a couple fighting another handful. One was clearly a soldier, a woman with auburn colored hair and dark green eyes, and she faught along side a man, a templar to be exact. One of the darkspawn managed to break through the templar's defences and sliced into him with it's sword. The woman went wild with rage and went to defend the templar immediately.

"They will not have you," she told him reassuringly as she grabbed his shield and backed the two of them against the stones behind them.

Me being me, I rushed into battle to save the couple, followed by Carver, Bethany, and Raven. I didn't care if the man was a templar, no one deserved to die at the hands of the darkspawn. I was protecting everyone that I could. There was something about this woman that told me that she was going to be in my life for a very long time. I'd never had that feeling with anyone, and it was as though the Maker urged me to protect the woman and the templar. By the way the woman faught, I could tell that she had years of experience under her belt.

"Apostate! Step back!" the templar drew his sword on us once the darkspawn had been delt with.

"First darkspawn. Now a templar. My, the Maker has a sence of humor today," Bethany rolled her eyes.

"Wesley, they saved us," the woman said gently to the man.

"The intentions of the darkspawn is always clear, but one must always be wary of a mage. The Order dictates-" Wesley stepped towards my sister, causing me to jump in front of my sister.

"I'm sure the Maker will understand, my love," the woman's voice remained gentle, but it grew authoritive.

He glared at me but I stood my ground, "Step back, templar."

"I'm sure that we can help eachother," the woman sighed. "I'm Aveline Vallen, and this is my husband Ser Wesley."

"Are the two of you okay?" I decided to concentrate on Aveline instead of her husband. The two of them nodded and I puffed myself up, "Just know, I will be watching you, templar."

"And I you," Wesley nodded.

Aveline patted Raven on the head as Mother helped Wesley down the path. Carver and I took the front while Aveline and Bethany took the back, making it so Mother and Wesley were safe. The darkspawn didn't have a way to get to them. This worked out perfectly, that was until we reached this large clearing and an ogre came charging towards everyone. We all jumped out of it's way, so it turned around and set it's eyes on my mother. It ran forward, Bethany jumped in front of Mother and shot a lightening bolt at it. Instead of doing any damage to the darkspawn, it only angered the ogre. The monster let out a roar, slammed Bethany on the ground three times, and then it threw her aside like a ragged doll.

"BETHANY!" Mother screamed. She rushed to my sister's side as quickly as she possibly could. In a blind rage, I attacked the ogre, not really fazed by the darkspawn that joined in the fight. I have no idea how it happened, all I could think was how I was going to keep my family safe. Before I knew it, all the darkspawn around us were dead. Mother held Bethany and started to shake her, "Bethany, wake up. The fighting is over Sweetheart."

Wesley bent over and checked Bethany's arm. He frowned sadly and shook his head, "I'm sorry Mistress, but your daughter is dead."

"NO! NOT BETHANY! NOT MY LITTLE GIRL!" Mother screamed out hystarically.

"She-she died a hero...trying to protect you," I tried to comfort my Mother.

"I don't want a hero! I want my Bethany back!" she turned and glared at me. "This is all your fault! You should have protected her!" Tears stung my eyes as I looked down at my sister's limp body. It really was my fault. Both my father and my sister were dead because I _couldn't_ protect them.

"If I may, I could say a prayer for your daughter," Wesley offered before he bowed his head. "Ashes we were, and ashes we become. Maker, give this young woman a place at your side. Let us find comfort in the peace she has found, in eternity."

"I'm sorry, but that's the best we can do for her now. She wouldn't want her death to be for nothing," I stood, trying to be the strong one for my family.

"Sister, we have have some more company," Carver breathed out. I pulled out my staff. I had failed to protect my sister, but I wasn't going to let these darkspawn take anything else from me. I faught every darkspawn that came in contact with me, until Aveline, Carver, Raven, and I were backed against Mother and Ser Wesley. "There's no end to them!" Carver called above the growlings of the darkspawn.

Right then a mighty roar went out, a dragon unfolded itself where it had looked like a rock. It swooped down, I ducked, pulling Mother down to the ground with me. The dragon spewed a wave of flames at the darkspawn, lifted two into it's claws, dropped one before it flew back down, wacked several more darkspawn away with it's tail, and with a bright, twisting flash, the dragon morphed into an old woman with the craziest hair I'd ever seen.

It turned out the old woman was Flemeth, the Witch of the Wilds. She agreed to help us get to our ship so we could go to Kirkwall, but in order for her to do so, I had to agree to deliver an amulet to the Dalish Keeper Marithari on the outskirts of Kirkwall. That, and we had to kill an infected member of our party, infected by the darkspawn corruption. Ser Wesley. I couldn't get myself to do it, so I told Aveline to do the mercy of putting him out of his misery. The day that Lothering was destroyed was a day of great loss.


	6. Welcome to Kirkwall

You made me cry, you told me lies

But I can't stand to say good-bye

Mama, I'm coming home

I could be right, I could be wrong

It hurts so bad, it's been so long

Mama, I'm coming home

-Ozzy Osborne "Mama, I'm Coming Home"

My stomach turned, it was clear that I was getting sea sick. We'd been sailing across the Waking Sea for about two weeks, which meant that we were getting closer and closer to Kirkwall. I'd spent a good part of the time crying at night, when no one could see my tears. Carver was the only one talking to me out of him and Mother. Aveline, she was a very kind woman. Very warm hearted. I knew that Bethany would have adored her. Mother didn't even look at me, this time she was convinced Bethany's death was my fault. Shit, she probably believed that I had something to do with Father's death as well now. I wanted to scream, kick, even kill something just to get the pain out, but I couldn't show weakness, not now. Mother needed me to be strong and so did Carver. Right now it seemed like the only strong person among us was Raven, and he wasn't even a human. Mother, of course, spoke to both Aveline and Carver, but she refused to even look at me since we left Ferelden. It seemed like the closer we got to Kirkwall, the sicker my stomach became. It had taken every penny I had to get the four of us to Kirkwall, and I hoped that it was going to be worth it. If I could manage to avoid the templars in Kirkwall, the better it would be for everyone in my family, now being the only Hawke with magic in their blood.

"Bethany, she looked up to you, didn't she?" Aveline asked from my side as she patted my back.

"After our father died three years ago, I was the only one who could teach her," I shrugged. "Your husband, Ser Wesley, he wasn't stationed in Lothering, was he?"

"No, he wasn't," Aveline frowned. "When news of Ostagar came, he ran out to find me-"

"I'm not going to let anything else happen to my family," I whispered, mainly to myself. "Never again will I let anyone get hurt."

"Hawke," Aveline started, but then she shook her head, as if to dismiss what she was going to say.

I whistled lightly and called Raven over to me, so I could have something to steady myself with. I really hated sailing, it made me seasick. I leaned into my Mabari and focused my attention on Mother, who was fussing over Carver. My heart broke at the thought of Bethany without a proper funeral. It was wrong that we had just left her body there, but there wasn't really anything else we could do at that time. I should have carried her out of there, I could have even asked the witch Flemeth, but I had been more concerned with protecting what remained of my family. As much as I wanted to curl into a ball and just give up, I knew I had to hold on, for Bethany and for Father. I closed my eyes and wished that Mother would speak to me, that Bethany was still alive, and that we were back on the farm in Lothering, but when I opened them again, Mother wasn't speaking to me, Bethany was dead, and the farm back in Lothering was completely gone. I focused my attention over to Carver, he was now holding our mother in his arms while she sobbed. There was no where I could look that wasn't depressing except for the sky now. It was going to be a long couple more days if this was all I could do.

* * *

Birds. I heard birds, which meant only one thing, land. My hopes raised slightly, that was before I looked up and saw the giant chains hooked to slave statues. I had to keep possitive, try to make the best of the situation I was now in. Bethany didn't want to move around anymore, and if our family had an estate, then it was going to be a bit easier to hide myself and stop using magic. Bethany had something our father had given to her, a jeweled dagger that was rounded as if something were missing from the dagger. Carver asked Mother about this, and she had said in the Free Marches, they attached blades and such to the end of the staff to use as a weapon if an enemy was to get too close. My staff, being packed in my pack, was the other piece to the dagger, which I thought was really cool, _if_ I ever had to use my staff again. My heart still sunk at the sight of the chains, what a terrible way for travelers to be greeted in the city-state. As soon as the ship docked, I grabbed my pack and rushed onto solid ground. Mother, Carver, Aveline, and Raven all followed out onto the crouded dock.

Aveline took one look over at a large group of Ferelden refugees and frowned, "They're not letting anyone in!"

_Remain possitive_, I thought to myself. "I'm sure they're letting _some_ people into the city."

"I sent a letter to Gamlen before we left Ferelden," Mother looked at Carver and Aveline. "He could be waiting for our arrival."

A large part of me wanted to jump right back onto the ship, but the seasick part of me wanted to remain in Kirkwall. That part won over. I was going to find a way into the city one way or another. I prayed that it was enough our uncle was a nobleman, or it was going to be hard getting the four of us and a Mabari into the city of Kirkwall. A man shouting at refugees seemed to be in charge of keeping everyone back and in place. I pushed through the croud.

"Get back you lot, I've got orders to keep you all from climbing the gates," the guard glared at me.

"I'll go talk to someone else," I glared at the man.

"I'd speak to Captian Ewald if I were you, I'm not even in charge here," the guard tilted his head.

My family headed up the stairs and into the Gallows Courtyard. As we weaved our way through the path to get to the Courtyard, Aveline began to speak to Carver, "Tell me, how did your family escape Lothering? Almost everyone who hadn't fled..."

"My older sister. If she wasn't here, I don't think we'd be here," Carver said somewhat carefully.

"But you seem quite skilled yourself," Aveline pointed out.

"I'm _not_ my sister," he nearly growled, ending the conversation right there.

As soon as we made it to the Gallows Courtyard, I spotted the Capitan easily, he was arguing with a bunch of soldiers, deserters by the looks of them. I tried to sweet-talk our way into the city, but the Capitan wouldn't have any of that, so Carver came out and told him our uncle, Gamlen Amell was a nobleman and he knew we were coming. Though the Capitan made it clear our uncle was a broke weasle, he said he'd find our uncle and we'd have to settle the rest ourselves. The deserters didn't find this new situation entertaining at all, so they attacked, trying to fight their way into the city. A very stupid move on their part. Though I was wanting to get into the city, I knew the way the deserters were taking was just unlogical.

"Thank you, serah, but I cannot let you into the city," Capitan Ewald breathed as soon as the battle ended. "I'll go find your uncle, and maybe...some arrangements can be made."

_A bribe you mean_, I thought almost angrily, but I just smiled at the Capitan, "Of course, thank you very much."

It was strange, hearing the term "serah" I didn't know what it meant, but it seemed to be a term widely used. At least he wasn't calling us "Ferelden Dogs" I just hated those racial names. Probably as much as elves hated the term "knife-ears". I guess there was no harm in waiting, though that didn't sound very entertaining.

* * *

THREE DAYS! Three bloody, cold, worthless days waiting for my Uncle Gamlen in the Gallows, where Kirkwall's Circle of Magi resided, and being **that** close to hundreds of templars made me very uneasy. I was leaning against the wall, Mother and Carver were sitting in the shade, Raven was curled up beside Mother, and Aveline was pacing back and forth, complaining that Gamlen hadn't shown up yet. As soon as she mentioned it a fourth time, the city gates opened and a man that was clearly my mother's brother came walking through. Right when Mother spotted Gamlen, she jumped up off the ground and rushed into her brother's arms.

"Gamlen!" she sounded happy for the first time since we'd gotten to Kirkwall.

"Leandra! It's nice to see you old girl. It's just you've taken me by surprise...I mean your husband and daughter's death and Lothering...Life is hard here as it is," Gamlen seemed nervous.

"What about the estate? The money? Please tell me you won't leave us here," Mother sounded frightened.

"The estate and the money are gone," Gamlen sighed.

Mother freaked out for a good minute, Aveline got invited to stay with our family in Kirkwall, and Gamlen turned out to owe a debt to a smuggler by the name of Athenril, who was willing to get our family into the city if we worked for her for an entire year. Gamlen had a big mouth, Athenril knew about me being a mage, and she offered to keep the templars off of my back for as long as I was to work for her. All I had to do was get back two hundred soveriegns that was owed to her to prove my loyalty, and Aveline suprised me by helping out, only because the merchant was a dick to a fellow refugee. A year was nothing, the three of us could serve it quickly and get on with our lives in Kirkwall. I was glad that the wait of getting into Kirkwall was over.


	7. Smuggling

I hid in the shadows and readjusted my pack. Athenril was having me smuggle small vials of lyrium to a templar in Darktown. The hard part wasn't getting to Darktown, it was not being caught. News had flown around that a large amound of lyrium had been stolen right from the Docks and the Kirkwall Guards were now all over the place. I was glad I did this during the night, for the last six months Athenril had me doing all sorts of illegal things, some of which I kept Carver out of. When I did that, my younger brother would spend his nights in the Hanged Man getting drunk off the rat-piss tasting ale. I couldn't see how anyone could stomach the stuff, even though I myself, enjoyed a drink there once in awhile as well. I peeked around, making sure the coast was clear and made my way down into darktown unseen. I knew exactly were the templar was going to meet me, and though I hated the fact that my job involved working with templars, I never showed my distaste for them, some of them were actually pretty desent. I saw my appointment, he was standing near the ledge, looking up at the chains.

"Ser Roy, it's nice to see you again," I smiled.

"Same to you, serah Hawke," Ser Roy took the pack from me, and I felt the burden of the job taken away from me. I no longer had to worry about getting caught with all that lyrium. I leaned against the railing and grinned at him, because of our regular interactions, Ser Roy and I found we got along perfectly, though I was skilled at hiding my magic from him. I nodded my head to him before I headed out of Darktown. As I turned to go up the stairs to Lowtown, a man with a blonde ponytale, copper colored eyes, and Tevinter-style robes crashed right into me.

"I-I'm sorry," by his accent I could tell he was from Ferelden.

"It's fine, serah," I shrugged and started back up the stairs. Lowtown was lighter than Darktown at night, and when the neighbor hood was cleared of its thugs every two to three months, it was actually quite peacefull to walk around. Even with the City Guard running around like headless chickens trying to find even a suspect about the lyrium, it was peaceful. I made my way towards the Hanged Man, where I wasn't surprised to find both Carver and Gamlen sloppy drunk. Aveline had signed up to join the City Guard and moved up to the Vicount's Keep in Hightown, so I couldn't ask her to help me get the two boys back home like she'd been able to a week ago. Mother still wasn't speaking to me, much to my disappointment, but at least Carver was now on speaking terms with me. I knew that Mother was never going to forgive me for what happened to Bethany, she made that very clear to me over the last six months.

"Ah!" Carver grinned as soon as he saw me. "How's it going, Sister?" He seemed to forgive me for everything that had happened back in Lothering, giving us a fresh start, but he still felt like he was trapped in my shadow, which wasn't what I wanted for my brother. "How was-hic-the job?"

"It went good," I joined my brother and uncle at their table. "How much have you two had to drink?"

"Enough," Norah, the tavern wench chuckled as she approched us. "Your usual serah Hawke?"

"Thank you Norah," I smiled at her. I turned back to my brother, "You're not drinking anymore, you hear?"

"Andraste's flaming ass, Shilo, I'm a grown man, I can make my own choices," Carver slurred.

"You may be a man, but you're acting like a child," I looked around to make sure we weren't making a scene. "Carver, I can't carry you home every time you decide to get drunk."

"I know...It's just that-hic-I do it to forget..." his voice broke, causing me to feel bad. What did I really expect from a man who lost his twin sister? I wanted to get sloppy drunk as well, but I had to take care of my brother. Gamlen, I could have cared less if he passed out in the middle of the road, but it if I let Carver do that, Mother would kill me for sure.

"I know, Brother," I sighed. "I know." I patted his back, downed my drink, and dragged Carver's sorry ass back home. By the time we got there-which it was just around the corner from the Hanged Man-I was litterally holding him up. Since I couldn't make it to the bedroom with him, I dumped him on the floor by the fireplace, right next to Raven. I kissed him on the forehead and sat at the table. At least Carver was home safe, so Mother couldn't complain to me about him.

* * *

"Hawke, Carver, you remember Azur, don't you?" Athenril smiled at me as I went to her little cove in Hightown.

"Azur, pleasure to see you again," I tried to be polite to the rouge elf. I personally got the creeps from Azur, but he always payed extra if the job was done correctly. He always hinted around the fact that he wanted to get me naked, but never fully said it. I knew my brother caught on this as well.

"Azur," Carver nodded politely.

"The Hawkes," Azur grinned slyly. "You're looking rather beautiful today, Hawke."

"Thank you," I cringed inwardly. "So what's the job?"

"I need you to 'distract' a templar while I smuggle some supplies out of the Docks. It's a templar shipment, only one guard...I understand he's attracted to women who look...well like you," Azur smirked.

"You mean he likes mages," that made me cringe completely.

"Aposates more than Circle mages," Azur started to chuckle. "If you could...distract him with your womanly goods, Carver could come with me, and once we're out, you can quit."

I looked at Athenril. I knew that Azur personally requested that I do this job, and that I had no real choice in the matter. I wasn't going to let the templar down my pants, that wasn't the way I wanted to give up my virginity. It was a wonder that I could stand going into the Blooming Rose to run errands for Athenril. I closed my eyes and nodded my agreement to take the job. I knew where to go, since Azur was sure the templar was guarding the ship alone. That surprised me, because after my little smuggling act just a month ago, I would have thought more guards had been stationed around there. I was extra surprised when I discovered that Azur was right. There was a lone templar guarding a small shipping boat. I forced my sweetest smile as I made my way towards him.

"Excuse me," I stopped about a foot away from him. "Have you seen a Mabari run by here?"

"No, serah, I haven't," I saw his gaze go to my breast.

I bit my lip nervously. I _really_ didn't want to do this, but I had to get the nerve to flirt with the templar, so I stuck my breasts out alittle farther, "Pitty...I didn't really lose a Mabari."

"Oh?" the templar raised his eyes, but only to my lips. "Then what did you lose, serah?"

"This," I breathed out before I grabbed him and kissed him. I prayed to the Maker that Carver and Azur made this fast, I didn't want to go very far with this man. The templar didn't resist, he actually wrapped his arms around me and stuck his tongue into my mouth. This surprised me, I hadn't expected this to happen. I managed to resist the urge to pull away from him, and I got him to back me up against a wall. I hoped that this was enough of a distraction for the two boys.

"You taste so good," the templar rasped huskily before he deepened the kiss. I saw Carver and Azur sneak past the tempar, so I pulled the templar closer and allowed him to think all of this kissing was going somewhere. Carver better stop this when they were done getting the goods, I didn't think that the templar would just let me go without fully pleasing him. His armored hand cupped my breast and he pulled away from me slightly. "Allow me to get rid of these gloves." The metal of the gloves hitting the ground made a loud "clank", and the templar placed his hand back on my breast and began to rub my nipple with his thumb. I faught the urge to slap him away from me, and once again, it worked. It seemed to be taking Carver and Azur a while inside the small boat, but then again, I didn't know what Azure was after. The templar began to press himself against me, the metal of his armor very uncomfortable in my sensitive spot, which actually caused me to cringe. There was no way I was going to be able to stop this without pulling out magic, and that would screw me over majorly.

"There you are, Mistress!" Azur said from behind the templar. "Your mother orded me to come and get you. It's getting pretty dark and she doesn't think a lady of your station should be out here this late."

The templar pulled away from me immediately and jumped back to his post. I looked at Azur and faked an innocent smile, "Of course, thank you." I winked at the templar and lied through my teeth, "I'm sorry we couldn't finish this."

"Me too," I could have sworn I heard the templar whisper.

"Thank you," I whispered to Azur as I made it to his side. "I wasn't going to be able to get out of there on my own."

"Anytime," Azur grinned. "You'll be paid well, don't worry Hawke. I know you don't care much for templars."

I shrugged, "That one was just a sleeze."

Azur nodded his agreement, "Here soon, you will be released from Athenril's smuggling, so why not have fun while you're working?"

"Yeah, right," I murmured. There was NO WAY that was fun.


	8. A New Friend

My time with Athenril had come to an end, though she sent me a letter letting me know that she'd always have a place for me. There was no mention of letting Carver come back to work for her, but maybe that was for the best. It was no secret that my brother didn't approve of Athenril's methods, but coin was coin to me at this point. Because I was no longer with Athenril, I had to be the one to keep myself out of trouble and out of the sight of the templars. Mother had just started to talk to me after my brother's ninteenth birthday, and because I wanted to support my family the best I could, when I heard of a Deep Road expadition that needed extra swords, my brother and I rushed to Hightown as fast as we possibly could. For about an hour Carver and I stood outside the Merchant's Guild with the dwarf Bartrand, trying to get him to give us a job within his expadition into the Deep Roads, but the dwarf wouldn't have anything from us, he told us they were full up and had no room for either of us. I had tried to use my charms and offered to buy Bartrand a drink, but he wouldn't have it. Carver, of course, was no help. He let his anger get the best of him and he snapped at Bartrand. On top that, a theif shoved past me and jacked my coin-purse.

"HEY!" I shouted as I searched myself. Carver and I took after the theif, and as luck would have it, an arrow came flying out and pinned the bastard to a wall.

"I knew a guy, he could take all your coin just by smiling at you, but you, you don't have what it takes for Hightown, let alone the Merchant's Guild," a dwarf patted his crossbow before he placed it back in it's holster. This dwarf had no beard, which was quite surprising. He walked up towards the man, removed the arrow, and punched him twice in the face. He smiled at Carver and me brightly as he approched us, "Varric Thetras at your service." He tossed me my coin-purse and smirked, "Don't listen to Bartrand, he wouldn't know a good deal if it screamed and slapped him in the face."

"Oh, and you would?" I couldn't help but grin back at the beardless dwarf.

"I would," Varric's grin grew.

"But he told us he had enough swords," Carver frowned.

That made Varric laugh, "We don't need swords. What we need is a partner."

"You barely even know us, and now you want to help us?" I found this trait in Kirkwall very rare.

"I've told you my name, and I know about you Hawke," Varric chuckled, "and I also know about Junior over here. There, we now know eachother." I had to resist the urge to laugh when he offered to help us talk to Bartrand as soon as we saved up fifty soveriegns. He was a good man, I could tell that much, and with Aveline in the guard, there must have been some way we could make up the coin. We were already in Hightown, so I made it easy and went straight to the Vicount's Keep with Carver and my newfound friend, Varric. I knew how to get to the Guards' Barracks in the Keep, Mother made Carver check up on Aveline every week to make sure she was okay. I found her easily, she was standing by the schedual with a deep frown on her face.

"Hello Aveline!" I grinned at her. She didn't respond, almost like she was deep in thought, "Aveline."

"Oh, hello Hawke," Aveline turned her attention to me. "I heard you were talking to Bartrand, be careful, he's a slippery son-of-a-bitch."

"Have you been spying on me?" I smirked. "I be you get a lot of information with this job."

"Nice try," Aveline narrowed her eyes at me. "You know better than to try and get information out of me."

"It will work one of these days," I shrugged. "So...do you have any work for me?"

"I do...but I have to go with you, you'll be working on the behalf of the City Guard," Aveline sighed.

"Aveline, this is-" I started.

"Varric Thetras," Aveline eyed the dwarf. "Bartrand's brother."

"Hey, you don't get to pick your family," Varric joked.

"What's the job?" I asked.

"There has been rumors circulating about an ambush that is supposed to happen today," Aveline sighed. "Please tell me you're in."

"I'm in," I replied.

* * *

We ended up uncovering a plot where the Capitan of the Guard was the one imbesling coin from the city. Aveline was rewarded by being named Capitan of the Guard, and I got my coin. Kirkwall was my home, yes, but I still needed to make a name for myself before I actually settled down. If I could settle down. To celebrate, Varric took me and Carver to the Hanged Man for some drinks. We sat in his quarters, which was the nicest room in the entire tavern. I found that the dwarf enjoyed to tell stories-very far fetched stories that were hard to believe, but I enjoyed listening, he was a very good story-teller. Carver went home early, not wanting to wake up to his usual hangover that he got from drinking at the Hanged Man. When my brother left, Varric smirked at me, "So, here's the thing: we need to find a way into the Deep Roads. Bartrand can lead us to the right place when we're down there, but we need a good entrance."

"Any entrance would do, wouldn't it?" I joked. "Unless a dragon's sitting in it, I suppose."

"We need an entrance that is close to our destination, but isn't already plundered or filled with darkspawn," Varric sighed. "Fortunately, I've recieved some new information. There's a Grey Warden in the city. If anyone knows how do get down there, it would be him."

"Sounds like you've figured everything out, Varric," I grinned.

Varric bowed to me with a smirk, "And that, my dear, is why I am here. Supposibly this Grey Warden came in with other Ferelden refugees not long ago. A Lowtown woman named Lirene has been helping the Fereldens. If we talk to her, maybe we could learn where he is." He placed his hands on his table, "I'll keep after my contacts to watch after more work for us."

"Thank you, Varric," I smiled. "We'll do that in the morning."

"We're partners, Hawke," Varric took a seat. "Now tell me, how did you get to Kirkwall?" When I gave him a look he chuckled, "I'm a story-teller, Hawke, and I have a feeling that _you _have a good story."

* * *

I stayed up all night with Varric, telling him about my life. I had a good feeling about the dwarf, he was helping me and my brother when no one else would. I told him about my father, about how he raised us, even about his death, about Bethany and how she died to protect Mother, about Carver and how he came back just in time to get us out of Lothering, how I got my family out of Ferelden, the deal I had made with the witch Flemeth, and all the work I had done for Athenril. He sat and listened to my story, telling him everything seemed to make my guilt of what had happened-the things that I couldn't control-go away.

"Hawke, after we go find this Warden, I say we go complete your deal with Flemeth," Varric leaned back after everything that I had told him. "I have a feeling we're going to be good friends, serah."

"Sister, are you ever going to come home?" Carver asked from the doorway of Varric's room.

"Carver!" I smiled at him. "How's it going?"

"Junior, just the boy we wanted to see," Varric chuckled.

He glared at Varric at the term "Junior", but then he looked over at me, "What are you doing?"

"We're going to track someone down today," I smirked. "A Grey Warden from Ferelden."

"What's a Grey Warden doing in Kirkwall?" Carver frowned.

"I don't know, but he's got to know a good way into the Deep Roads," Varric smiled.

"Well, Aveline is at Gamlen's visiting Mother, would you like to go pick her up?" Carver asked me.

I nodded and wondered out of the Hanged Man. The moment we walked out the door, Aveline came around the corner. She smiled at me and greeted me politely, "Hawke, it's nice to see you. Carver seemed a bit worried about you this morning. He was afraid that the templars snagged you."

I ignored the templar comment, but Varric chuckled, taking the chance to put in a comment, "Hawke doesn't have to worry about templars, Junior, she's blended in for some time now."

"That was because Athenril was throwing bribes around," Carver rolled his eyes. "Let's just change the subject. Where are we starting this search of yours?"

"Lirene's place," Varric stated. "I know where it is."

As we started to walk, I heard Carver speak to Aveline suddenly, "Did you approve my application?"

"I can't make you a guard, Carver," Aveline sighed.

"We were both soldiers. Why won't they take me?" Carver's voice almost had a wine to it.

"I was an officer. And I follow orders," Aveline simply stated.

Carver laughed, "No you don't."

"I also think of others before myself. You seem tired of that, and that's dangerous," Aveline sounded like she was done with the conversation.

"Just when it's not my choice. You told them not to take me, didn't you?" Carver's voice accused.

"Yes," was all it took for her to end the conversation.

We followed him to a small place within the Lowtown Market. It was crouded in the house, but there was enough room to make it to the desk where a woman was shouting to the people where to get their supplies. When she saw us she spoke in an authoritive voice, "If you're seeking aid, leave your name with my girl. We serve everyone here. No one came from Ferelden without trouble. But I can't give piriority to anyone who's already found work and lodging."

"I hear you know where I can find a Ferelden Grey Warden," I smiled.

"The only Grey Warden I've heard of is sitting on the throne," Lirene stated. "We're out of the Blight's path now. Why would you need a Warden?"

"The Healer was one of them once, wasn't he?" a woman behind us offered. "A Warden."

"Well he's not now, and busy enough without answering fool questions about it," Lirene scolded.

"Who are you protecting?" I frowned.

"You see what our people face in Kirkwall," Lirene sighed. "They have no jobs, no homes, most can barely buy bread. This healer, he serves them without thought for coin. He's closed their wounds, delivered their children."

"And yet he needs to hide," Aveline got into Guardswoman mode.

"He's a good man," Lirene said defensively. "I won't lose him to the blighted templars."

"You mean, he's a mage," I was relitively shocked.

"Would I sick my neck out for some hench blade and prevayer of leaches?" Lirene glared at me.

"Oh, parish the thought," Carver smirked. "Another delicate mage-flower."

"He doesn't want to be locked away in the gallows just for using the gifts the Maker gave him," Lirene sighed.

"Your Healer is in no danger from me," I smiled reassuringly.

"Right," Carver agreed quickly. "Perfectly safe if he cooperates." I **so** wanted to punch my brother right then.

"I suppose it isn't my secret to keep," Lirene sighed. "Anders has certianly been free enough with his services. Refugees in Darktown know, to find the Healer, look for the lit lantern. If you have need enough, Anders will be within."

"Thank you, serah," I gave her my biggest smile and literally pulled Carver out of the house.

As soon as we got outside, a group of Ferelden refugees surrounded us, the leader of them was an older man with twin daggers, "Hey, we heard you in there. Asking about the Healer. We _know_ what happens to mages in this town, and it ain't gonna happen to him!"

"I'm as Ferelden as you, I won't hurt your healer," I told him politely.

"Ferelden?" the man seemed surprised. "But you-your clothes. I figured you for a Kirkwaller, sorry. Maker bless the rule of our King Cousland and Queen Anora!"

I nodded to the man, watched him and his friends walk off, and then I turned to my companions, "I know where the lantern is."


	9. The Grey Warden

"You know, Junior, it's eerie how much of a resemblance there is between you two," Varric smirked as we made our way to Darktown.

"She's my sister. Of course there's a resemblance," Carver stated matter-of-factly.

"Ooh, you thought I meant Hawke. I was talking about Gamlen," Varric chuckled.

"Maker, I hate you dwarf," Carver growled.

Varric laughed, and I had to fight the urge not to laugh, because Varric did have a point, both Carver and Gamlen did look a lot alike. Varric, Carver, and Aveline followed me through the maze that was Darktown, until we got to where you could see the depressing giant chains. The lantern was lit, just as I was hoping that it was. I rushed forward and went through the door. As soon as I got through the door, I saw two men and a woman leaned over a small boy. One had healing lights illuminating from his hands as he healed the boy. I stopped immediately, not wanting to intervine on a healing, when I healed myself it took a lot out of me, I still wasn't skilled with that line of magic. Aveline, Carver, and Varric all stopped as well, following my lead. I didn't get it, they treated me like I was the leader of the group, but I understood that my father was the very same way. I looked at the healer, I'd seen him before. I was good with remembering faces, even if I had only passed him by. His blonde hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, and he wore Tevinter-style robes, I hid a smile as I realized that I had actually ran into him before.

As the boy slowly sat up, the healing light vanished from the Healer-who must have been Anders-and he leaned against a beam for support as the mother of the boy lead her child out of the Clinic. I moved forward, eager to speak to this ex-Grey Warden so we'd be one step closer to our goal on getting into the Deep Roads. When we got closer, the Healer grabbed his staff and whirled around, holding his hand out, ready to throw any spell at us.

"I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?" he demanded. I may have been going mad, but I could have sworn I heard a second voice speak with the apostate.

I held my hands out, "We're only hear to speak with you."

"We heard a rumor that you were once a Warden," Varric said in his I'm-all-business voice. "We're looking to get into the Deep Roads. Do you know a good way in?"

"The Deep Roads?" Anders frowned. "Did the Wardens send you to bring me back? We'll I won't go back, them bastards made me get rid of my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-A-Lot, he hated the Deep Roads."

"You had a cat, named Ser Pounce-A-Lot...in the Deep Roads?" I chuckled.

That made him smile slightly, "He was a gift. A noble beast. He almost got ripped in half by a genlock once. He swatted the bugger on the nose, even made it bleed. The Blighted Wardens said he made me too soft, so I had to give him to a friend of mine in Ameranthine."

"I've always heard that joining the Wardens is for life," I was curious about Anders.

"That's only partly true," he replied. "The 'hopelessly tainted by the darkspawn blood and plagued by nightmares of the archdemon' things don't go away, but I found if I stay well hidden, I don't have to wear the uniform or attend the parties."

"I'm part of an expadition that's going into the Deep Roads," I smiled. "Any information you could give us would be a great help. We need a good entrance into the Deep Roads."

"I would die a happy man if I never had to think of the Blighted Deep Roads again. You have no idea what I went through to get here. I'm not interested-" he said bitterly before he changed suddenly. "Although, a favor for a favor. Does that sound like a fair deal? You help me, I help you."

"Let's be more specific. I don't do anything including animals or children," I knew it wouldn't have anything to do with either...I hoped.

"I have a Warden map of the depths around this area, but there's a price" Anders began to pace back and forth, "I came to Kirkwall to help a friend. A mage, prisoner in the wretched Gallows. The templars have learned of my plans to free him. Help me past them, and my maps are yours."

"You want to make your friend an apostate?" I probably shouldn't have been surprised.

"That's such a weighted term. Yes, Andraste said 'magic should serve man, not rule him', but I've yet found a mage who wants to rule anything. It goes against no will of the Maker for mages to live out in the open like free men," Anders sighed.

"I agree with you completely," I nodded. "Forcing mages into servitude is no way to stop another Impirium from rising."

Anders smiled, his copper eyes twinkled with the smile entering his eyes, "That's usually not the response I get. Perhaps we will work better together than I expected."

"I'm sorry, but I won't do this deal without seeing the maps first," I stated.

"It's all right here," He pulled out the maps, showed them to me, and then placed them back into his robes. "But you don't see one page until Karl is free."

"As if the templars _need_ another reason to hunt us," Carver said disapprovingly.

"These are **my** terms. If you want aid with your expadition, meet me in the Chantry tonight. I have sent word to Karl to be there. Maker willing, we will all leave there free men," Anders said to me. I nodded and my companions followed me out of his clinic.

I was trying to think about what I was going to until night, but then Carver spoke up, "I say we all go back to the house, grab Raven, and Mother can meet your new business partner."

"That sounds like a great idea, Junior," Varric chuckled lightly. "I would love to meet dear Mother."

So the four of us made our way back to Gamlen's house, Aveline warned Varric all the way there to mind his manors, or he'd more than likely awaken in the Gallows. Carver attempted to warn him about Gamlen, but Varric made it clear to my brother that everyone in Kirkwall knew what a weasle Gamlen was. We made our way into the small house, and Raven began to bark happily as soon as he saw me come through the door.

"Raven, it's only Shilo," Mother chuckled. She stopped when she saw Varric, "Who's your friend here?"

"Varric, this is my mother, Leandra," I grinned.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Leandra," Varric said politely.

"Same here. Carver, please remember to pick your uncle up from the Hanged Man before you come home tonight. Aveline, I'm always happy to see you my dear," Mother hugged Aveline. Then she turned to Varric, "So my son tells me your Shilo's new business partner. I hope her trust in you is returned."

"Completely, serah," Varric smiled. "We're just here to burn time while we wait for night."

"Good, the four of you can run to the Hightown Marketplace for me," Leandra volenteered us all at once.

* * *

Mother insisted that we all stay and eat dinner at Gamlens, and once we were finally done eating, we were finally allowed to go meet Anders at the Chantry. The entire way, Aveline complained about all of breaking the law by helping out in this situation, but she still followed me. To keep her mind off of the situation, she turned to Carver.

"I don't like some of the people you've been associating with, Carver," Aveline scolded my brother.

"Talk to my sister. She's the one in charge," Carver frowned. I ignored the snide comment and continued towards the Chantry.

"Maybe, but I know you get around," Aveline didn't let up. "This city's full of people who are dead set on ending badly. I don't want to see you end up the same way."

"Would asking you to stop spying on me help in the least?" Carver asked.

"No," was the only reply he got from her.

Kirkwall was nice this time of year, warmer than Ferelden anyways. I sometimes thought about Ferelden, but I wasn't living in the past either. With the Blight defeated, if I chose, I could always return, but I really prefered not to think about my lost home. I looked around, no one was around, but I did see Anders standing at the top of the stairs, waiting like he said he would. As I approached he looked at me, "I watched Karl go in just a few minutes ago. No templars so far...are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I replied as I followed him into the Chantry.

We walked through the intimidating large door of the Chantry, as soon as we entered, Anders looked at me and whispered, "As soon as we find Karl, let me talk to him first."

Aveline, Varric, Carver, and I all nodded, and Raven let out a soft bark as if he understood as well. Anders seemed to know where he was going, I followed him up the stairs to the right and in the clearing at the top, a Circle mage stood with his back to us.

"Anders I know you too well," a man's voice said in monotone as we got closer. "I knew you would never give up."

"What's wrong?" Anders asked, dread in his voice. "Why are you talking like-"

Karl interupted Anders and turned around, "I was too rebelious, like you. The templars knew I had to be...made an example of."

"No!" my heart almost broke at the agony in Anders's voice.

"How else will mages ever master themselves?" Karl asked in his monotone voice. "You'll understand, Anders, as soon as the templars teach you how to control yourself." I peeked behind me as I heard the movement of armor, a good fourteen templars blocked our way out. "This is the apostate," Karl stated, not taking his eyes off of Anders.

Anders looked back at the tempars then, he bent over as if agony, "No!" A flaming blue glow surrounded him as parts of his skin and his eyes flashed the blue glow as well. For the second time I heard the voice that had spoken with Anders when I'd met him that afternoon, "You will never take another mage as you took him!"

The templars were the first to attack, and immediately I went into defense mode. I didn't want their blades too close to me, even though that was why I had the blade attached to the end of my staff. Carver faught by my side, almost as if he was protecting me, even though at the moment I felt as though I was the one who was protecting my baby brother. Anders was definitely unique, I'd never seen a mage's eyes glow like that...like lyrium, in a strange way it was beautiful, but at the same time frightening. An arrow whisped past my head, and I heard a man grunt from behind me. As I turned around, I noticed that the arrow had gone through the templar's throat.

"I got your back Hawke!" Varric winked at me as he put his crossbow back in it's holster. That was the last of the templars.

"Thanks," I breathed out a sigh of relief, though I wasn't sure that he heard me. I immediately turned my attention back to Anders, who's eyes had just changed back to the copper color they were and he put his staff away.

"I-Anders what did you do?" a shocked voice came from behind the Healer, everyone turned and faced Karl. "It's like...you brought a peice of the Fade into this world. I had already forgotten what that _feels _like."

That made me frown, "I though the Tranquil were cut off from the Fade forever."

"When your made Tranquil, you never think about your life before," Karl sighed, "but it's like the Fade itself is inside Anders, burning like a sun. Please, kill me before I forget again." His voice became paniced, "I don't know how you brought it back, but it's fading..."

Anders shook his head, "Karl, no!"

"Please, do as he asks, I would rather die than be made Tranquil," I could hear my voice crack.

"I got here too late," Anders said weakly. "I'm sorry Karl. I'm so sorry."

"Now! It's fading!" Karl shouted, and then he looked at Anders with a blank look, "Why do you look at me like that?"

Anders stepped forward, pulled out his dagger, and put his hand on Karl's shoulder, "Good-bye." He quickly jabbed his dagger into Karl's chest. He looked at the ground as he moved away from his friend's now dead body, and walked past me, "We should leave before more templars come."


	10. Anders and Justice?

The walk back to Anders's Clinic was silent, not even Carver had anything to say as we made our way to Darktown. The silence was heavy until we reached the Clinic, where Anders lead the way into his sanctuary. I followed close behind, "That wasn't normal magic you did back there, was it?"

"I-This is hard to explain," Anders frowned. "When I was in Ameranthine, I met a Spirit of Justice, who was trapped outside the Fade. We became friends, and he recognized the unjustice done to mages each day in Thedas."

"And that's...different from a demon?" I asked.

"Just as demons prey on the deadly sins of mankind, there are good spirits that embody our virtues. Spirits of Compassion, Fortitude, Justice. They are the Maker's first children, and they have all but given up on us," Anders sounded somewhat upset.

"This spirit sounds like a good friend to have around," I offered.

Anders nodded sadly, "He was far better to me, than I have been to him. To live outside the Fade, he needed a host. I offered to help him. We were going to bring justice to every child whose ever been ripped away from his mother's arms to be sent to the Circle. But, I guess I had too much anger. Once he was inside me...he changed."

"So..." I didn't want to get anything wrong with the current situation. "You've got this spirit of Justice living inside your head?"

"It's not like that," he frowned. "He's gone now. He's part of me. It's not like we can have a conversation, his thoughts are my own. Not even the greatest scholar could tell you where I end and he begins."

"This is obviously difficult for you," I just wanted to see the mage smile again.

"For him?" Carver frowned. "We'll be hunted for sure now." I had to resist the urge to kick my brother's shin.

"I thought I was helping a friend...he would have died I guess," Anders sighed. "If that...even means anything. He wanted to help me. He knew what mages had suffered." His frown grew, "But my anger...when I see templars now, things that have always outraged me, but I could never do anything about...He comes out. And he is no longer my friend Justice. He is a force of vengance. And he has no grasp of mercy."

"Can Justice ever be seperated from you?" I asked curiously.

"I don't think so," he let out a low breath. "The only way a spirit has ever been seperated from a living host is by its death. The curse is of my own making. All I can do now is hope to control it."

"Can you bring him out at will?" I was silently hoping that my questions wouldn't upset the mage.

"No," Anders shook his head. "He comes only when I've lost all power over myself. It's a madness, a frenzy. I only find out after what I might have done."

"So...That explains your whole tourtured sexy look," the words left my mouth before I could stop them, causing my brother to choke slightly.

Anders looked surprised and smiled slightly, "Maybe I should check the looking glass more often. I never thought to find a woman who would look past everything I've just said. My maps are yours, as am I if you wish me to join your expedition. I thought I was done with the Grey Wardens, but if you have any need of me. I will be waiting here."

* * *

Later that night, Anders managed to join us at the Hanged Man, where Varric kicked his ass at a game called Diamondback. I was actually surprised when he showed up, and because Carver wanted to be a pain in my ass, I decided to go back down to Darktown with Anders to hang out with him in his clinic. Sure, not the best place in town, but at least the templars didn't really venture down to Darktown...not that I knew of anyways. Right as we got into the Clinic, Anders turned to me and spoke before I could.

"I had a friend like you once. Got in all kinds of trouble, dragged me along. Didn't think I'd be doing that again," Anders smiled at me. "I got a bit weighty the last time we talked. Sorry for putting that on you."

"You can tell me anything," after all, he was the only other mage I knew in Kirkwall.

A large grin spread across his face, "Anything? Be careful what you offer." His face changed quickly, "I just...I hope I didn't seem too selfish when I told you about Justice. I didn't know what would happen. I figured a willing host, a friend...it had to be better than playing the demon and haunting some corpse."

"We can't always predict the outcome of our actions," I said somewhat gently. "We can only make them with a true heart."

The smile returned to Anders's face, "Kind, wise, and beautiful. You must have made a deal with some demons, yourself. I'm sorry," he changed quickly once again, "I shouldn't presume. I just...we've hardly met and I feel like I know you. Am I making you uncomfortable?"

I couldn't help but smile, "Keep telling me I'm beautiful. You can't go wrong with that."

"Oh, I'm sure I can get more creative," Anders flirted back. He stopped and moved away from me rather quickly, "No. I shouldn't do this. I don't want to hurt you."

"Why would you hurt me?" I tried to keep my tone light.

Anders sat down and sighed, "You saw what I did in the Chantry. That's who I am. A year ago, maybe we could have had something. But I'm not that man anymore. I'll break your heart. And that might kill me as surely as the templars."

I opened my mouth to argue with him, but by the look on his face, I knew the conversation was over and done with. I said my good-byes to the mage, and I made my way back up to Lowtown. There, Carver was waiting for me outside Gamlen's slummy home. It really wasn't a place I wanted my family to live-Gamlen yes-Carver and Mother, no. I sat on the step beside Carver and sighed, "Why so grim, Car?"

"Don't call me that, I'm not a child," Carver glared at me. "Where did you go tonight? Templars are out everywhere after what happened earlier, Shilo."

"I-I was with Anders," I said honestly.

"Why would you want to be alone with that...apostate?" I could tell that Carver wanted to use the term "abomination" but he refrained himself from doing so.

"I wanted to get to know him," I stood quickly and headed into the crappy house my uncle called home. I ignored Mother and Gamlen's bickerings as I headed to bed, not wanting to put up with anything else for the rest of the day.


	11. Birthright

"My children have been in servitude-servitude-for a year. They should be nobility!" Mother scolded Gamlen. It was the first thing I woke to the next morning.

"If wishes were poppy, we'd all be dreaming," Gamlen replied sarcastically.

"This is the way things are, Mother. Gamlen can't change it now," I stated, trying to defuse the situation as I entered the living quarters.

"Your mother was supposed to marry the Comte de Launcet, and instead she ran off with some Ferelden apostate," Gamlen glowered at me, then he turned to mother, "You don't get to stay the favorite when you do that."

"Where is Father's will? If I could just see for myself-" Mother started.

"It's not here, all right! It was read, it went in the vault. No one needed to look at it again," Gamlen cut her off.

"I know the Amells were nobility, Mother, but not much else. Why don't you ever talk about them?" I asked.

"The Amells have been a noble family in Kirkwall since Garahel drove out the Fourth Blight. But we've always carried magic in our blood," Mother sighed. "It's been a stain on our lineage. No family of good standing would ever marry into a line with magic. When I chose your father...I was bringing more magic into our line, not less. I think that's what hurt my parents the most."

"Did Grandfather mention Mother in his will at all?" I asked.

"Our father died when you were still in pinafores, girl. You can hardly expect me to remember," Gamlen glared at me.

"Oh, of course not," Carver drawled. "Why should you do something reasonable?"

"Please, Uncle. We have a right to see it for ourselves," I tried.

"Maybe so," Gamlen sighed. "But you won't be seeing the bloody thing. It's still locked up on the estate. And that's long out of my hands."

"What daft bastard leaves that behind?" Carver demanded.

"It was old news," Gamlen turned his icy glar to my brother. "You think I've been waiting for ninteen years for Leandra to slink back?"

"Who bought the estate, Gamlen? Perhaps I could speak to them. Was it the Reinhardts?" Mother asked.

"No one you know. Get used to Lowtown, Sister. That's where we're going to stay," Gamlen said coldly.

I left before anything could get worse. I needed a break, so I went to the Hanged Man to meet with Varric to have a couple of drinks and just get things off of my mind. I stayed at the Hanged Man for several hours, until I lost about fifty silver to Varric during a game of Diamondback, that was when I made the short walk from the Hanged Man to Gamlen's house-which was just around a corner-literally. As soon as I walked through the door, Carver walked up to me and sighed, "Maker, what a mess. I want to make things better for Mother, but some of what Gamlen says...I'm having a hard time hating him. Playing caretaker for someone else's life, stuck in their shadow...that's no way to live."

"Something you need to say?" I asked.

"Look, if you want to join the fight over who lost the most, fine. But I never lived here," Carver frowned. "Mother even gave me her old key to try and stir something. But I didn't know Grandfather. Finding his will doesn't matter to me."

"She tried her best to give us what we need. I think she's due the same," I said calmly, trying not to rile up my brother.

"Oh, I see her side-Gamlen's definitely an ass. But it's not like we can just ask slavers to give back that life," Carver said nastily.

"What have you heard?" I didn't like the fact that slavers were involved with the stituation.

"Uncle's a chatty drunk," Carver sighed. "He was up to his neck and signed everything over. That's who has the estate. Apparently the most extensive wine cellar in Kirkwall is now a slave highway from the Undercity. That's the family legacy."

"I think we need to pay them a visit and look for Mother's missing paperwork," I said.

"I'm sure they'll be right neighborly about letting us poke around," Carver frowned.

"We'll give them the chance, sure," I tried not to smile, they weren't going to have a choice.

"All right, Sister. If the key works, we'll clear the estate from the Undercity up," Carver grinned at me. "I don't know if this will help, but I feel like hitting something."

As luck would have it, Varric and Anders were right outside the house right as Carver, Raven, and I made our way out the door. We headed down to Darktown, by Anders's Clinic, and unlocked the cellar door to the Amell estate. I didn't care for slavers one bit, in my oppinion, they all deserved to die, so it didn't guilt me to slaughter the men who were bringing shame to my family's home, regardless the fact they bought it fair and square from Gamlen. Raven wouldn't let any of the slavers get near me, he stayed at my side while I shot spells at the bastards, trying to make sure Carver didn't get himself hurt by fighting them up close and personal. I was actually surprised when I found the key to the vault, as soon as it was in my hands, I rushed up a flight of stairs, and searched every chest in the room until I pulled out a parchement sealed with the Amell crest.

"So this is it? Grandfather's will? Let's just take it back to Mother and be done with it," Carver said as I pulled the old parchment from the chest.

"I don't see the point in delaying the news," I nodded. We made our way quickly back to the house, where both Varric and Anders left their seperate ways.

"...So I'm just saying, blood's blood and all, but you are taking advantage of my hospitality," Gamlen was saying to Mother as Carver and I walked through the door. "It's only fair that you make something of a...monthly contribution..."

"You sold my children into servitude! Now you're asking me to pay rent?" Mother demanded feriously.

"Er...maybe just put something towards food..." Gamlen seemed to cower.

"We found the will," I glared at Gamlen, who cringed at my words.

"Grandfather left everything to Mother and us. I guess he had some sense after all," Carver said as he handed Mother the will. "See for yourself."

"Er, ah, I should...maybe..." Gamlen shifted uncomfortably across the room.

"'To my daughter Leandra, and all children born of her...the estate and Hightown and all associated revenues...'" Mother read in a shocked voice.

Hope tugged at my heart for my mother as I said, "We have a home, Mother. A real home."

"They forgave me," Mother let out a breath of releif. "Mother forgave me. But...Gamlen, how could you?"

"You're the one who ran away, Leandra. What happened to 'Love is so much more important than money...!'" Gamlen fumed, trying to dig himself out of the hole he'd spent almost my whole life digging.

"It is!" Mother argued.

"You didn't even come home for the funeral!" Gamlen accused.

"The twins were a week old!" Mother defended.

"We all have our burdens. Mine was looking after a life you abandoned. How long was I supposed to wait?" Gamlen stated.

"If it wasn't for the Blight, would we have ever come back here?" I asked Mother.

"I always thought I would," Mother sighed. "But...I suppose you two are Ferelden to your toes..."

"Look, Sister, I'm sorry," Gamlen said, his voice softened slightly. "I shouldn't have done it, but I did. And there's nothing I can do to get it back."

"I don't expect that, Gamlen. It's enough to know Mother and Father didn't die angry," Mother gave her brother a small smile. "I'll petition the Viscount for rights to reclaim the estate. Maker willing, you'll have your 'house' back within weeks."

"You don't have the coin or the standing to even get an audience with the Viscount," Gamlen said doubtfully. "You've got to be someone in this city to live in that house again."

"Then I had better get started," Mother stated as she left the house. Carver and I stared after her, and then busted out laughing.

* * *

"When I told your grandmother I was marrying your father, she threatened to disown me. She said my children would be mongrels. My father wanted to lock me in, but she told him, 'It's her life. Let her ruin it.' I wrote to her when each of you were born. She never wrote back. I'm glad she didn't die hating me," Mother sighed as she came into the living quarters of Gamlen's house, speaking to me. She'd just returned from the Viscount's Keep.

"Grandmother didn't want you to leave. She tried holding onto you the only way she knew," I told my mother gently.

"She would have been so proud of you, Shi. You're everything she wanted in an Amell grandchild," Mother smiled at me. "She might have had a hard time accepting it at first, but she would have love you. All three of you." She got sad suddenly, "Oh Bethany... She was such a sweet little girl. Never cried...just looked at you with those big eyes."

"She was so young to be taken from us," I felt my heart tug.

"I just keep thinking there's something we could have done. It's killing me," Mother sobbed. "I-I remember that aweful creature reaching down and-Eighteen years of loving and feeding and raising and...that was it."

"Blame the darkspawn, not yourself," I tried to comfort her.

"The darkspawn would have been happy with any prey. It's my fault it got Bethany," Mother cried. "I-I miss her. There were four of us when the Blight began. It will never be over while there are just three. I've written the Viscount. I've an audience for after Bartrand's expadition leaves. I couldn't do anything for Bethany, but with luck, I can at least give us a home."

I wrapped my arms around my mother. If she had hope for the future, I sure was going to try to make it better for her as well. It was only right.


	12. Pirates and Duels

"Varric, no," Aveline crossed her arms and looked down at the beardless dwarf as Anders and I made our way into her new office.

"You're the capitan, or you will be. It will be easy," Varric pressed.

"I'm not petitioning the Viscount to help you steal ownership of the Hanged Man," Aveline said stubbornly.

"Steal? Madame, you wound me," Varric sounded offended.

"I'm about to," Aveline glared at him. She pointed to the door, Varric shook his head and went to stand outside the door with Anders, since we already had plans to check out Athenril's contact once it got dark out, and he waved lightly to me as he walked past me. When Aveline saw me, she sighed, "Big changes are coming, huh? Capitan of the guard...Thank you Wesley."

"That you keep his memory speaks well of him," I smiled lightly.

"He's not with me, I know that. Wesley's at the Maker's side, or he's not. Either way, he knows no pain," Aveline said. "What I keep is that moment. I won't let anyone down like that again."

"'Wesley's at the Maker's side, or he's not'? What do you mean by that?" I asked. Mainly because I believed that my father and Bethany were always with me, even if they were gone. It helped me with coping with their deaths.

"Wesley believed, and if he was correct, then that's where he is," Aveline replied. "But...this business of 'the less the Maker does, the more He's proven'? I don't find it compelling."

"But you married a templar," I pointed out.

"I married a man. A good one. And he's gone," Aveline had a saddened look in her eyes. "I have heard the Chant. It is lovely. Perhaps that's all it needs to be."

"You clearly miss Wesley, but that's not the issue?" I guessed.

"Of course I miss him, but he's not coming back. Pining like a child serves no one," Aveline's voice went sharp. "So I remember him, but I let him rest."

"You're not so kind to yourself, though," I pointed out.

"No," was all she would say.

"I don't see how you could take blame for the darkspwan horde," I tried to comfort my friend.

"I put him to the sword myself, Hawke," Aveline glared at me.

"At his behest," I kept my voice even.

"I know in my head that it was right, so did Wesley," Aveline didn't look at me this time. "But in my heart that cut was cruel."

"I can't imagine that the capitan of the guard will like wondering in my shadow," I raised an eyebrow at her, changing the subject rather quickly.

"It's not like this job means that we're on oppisite sides. The good you do, it seems rather appropriate," Aveline looked back at me, the tone of her voice changed with the change of subject. "Besides, I'll be making the patrol schedule, and I don't intend to lead from a desk."

I grinned at her, "I look forward to working with you, Guard-Capitan Aveline."

"Still strange, isn't it?" Aveline gave me a weak smile. "Capitan of the guard. Thank you for helping me get here, Hawke. It's where I should be."

"Well, are you willing to join me at the Hanged Man for a drink, Aveline?" I smiled, making my eyes big and teary so she'd lower her guard.

"Damn it, Hawke," Aveline laughed. "Fine, but if you get drunk, don't ask me to carry you home."

"That's what brothers are for," I winked at her.

"Don't let Carver hear you say that," Aveline shook her head.

Anders, Varric, Aveline, and I walked through Hightown. One day, I wanted my mother to be able to walk through the streets of Hightown being addressed "Lady Hawke" since that's clearly what she wanted. It may have been a high goal for a Ferelden refugee, but that little fact didn't discourage me. I was making new friends this year, making me feel like this really could be a good place to keep my family. Sure, deep down I still wanted to go to Tevinter, but wherever my mother and Carver were, that's were home was.

"What?" Anders asked Varric as we walked through Hightown Market.

"Just wondering if the feathered pauldrons are an essential part of the moody rebel mage persona," Varric said seriously.

Anders frowned, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm working on an epic poem about a hopelessly romantic apostate waging an epic struggle against forces he can't possibly defeat," Varric replied.

"What do you mean, 'can't possibly defeat'?" Anders asked.

"Well, it's not a good story unless the hero dies," Varric smirked.

I busted out laughing, unable to believe that's what Varric wanted to talk about. Sure, he was a storyteller, but the way he had straight up told Anders that he was going to die in Varric's "epic poem" just cracked me up.

"Varric, do you do anything?" Aveline asked the dwarf as we got closer to the Hanged Man.

"Am I the next stop in your career evaluations? Joy of joys," Varric rolled his eyes.

"You watch and you talk. Is that it?" Aveline pressed.

"You are dismissing hallmarks of both the utterly ineffectual and the incredibly dangerous," Varric grinned.

"I don't know what you mean," Aveline frowned.

"It means coins flow when I talk and when I shut up. Like if you got paid to guard or unguard," Varric explained.

"That makes no sense," Aveline's frown grew.

"Good," Varric smirked just before we walked through the door of the Hanged Man.

As we walked into the tavern, I noticed a woman surrounded by a group of men, it wouldn't have been abnormal if it wasn't for the fact that they were all heavily armed. "You owe us, Isabela," one of the men said in an agitated tone.

"Well, Lucky, I'll tell you what..." Isabela's tone sounded almosted suductive yet authoritive at the same time. "Since the information you gave me was worth nothing..." she took a gulp of the Kirkwall ale, "that's what I'll pay you." She poured herself another shot and went to take another drink, but Lucky stopped her.

"Me and my boys will get our money's worth, bitch," Lucky growled.

"Oh you poor, sweet, thing," Isabela purred. She grabbed him by the arm, pulled his arm towards her, and she slammed his head against the bar twice. Immediately he fell to the ground, a man wrapped his arms around her, to escape, she slammed the back of her head against his. The man doubled back, as Isabela ducked down, another man slammed a bottled against the other man's face. I was impressed how quickly she dispatched her attackers, and as Lucky recovered, he drew his sword, but Isabela quickly drew her dagger and placed it on his throat, "Tell me, Lucky, is this worth dying for?" Immediately Lucky backed away, his men crawled after him. Isabela took her shot and chuckled, "I didn't think so."

"Well, that was interesting," Varric smirked at me as the four of us walked towards Isabela.

"You're new around here, aren't you? Welcome, and keep your wits about you," Isabela turned to me when she saw me approaching her. "You're nothing but tits and ass to the men in this place, and they won't hesitate to grab at both."

"Thanks for the advice," I smiled at her.

"Anytime," Isabela grinned. "I'm Isabela. Previously 'Capitan' Isabela. Sadly, without my ship, the title rings a bit hallow. You're Ferelden, aren't you? You have that look about you. I was in Denerim not too long ago. I even met the Hero of Ferelden, if you know what I mean. You know, you might just be what I'm looking for to solve a little problem I have."

"I'm always ready to help," I offered.

"Someone from my past has been pestering me," Isabela sighed. "I've arranged for a duel-if I win, he leaves me alone. But I don't trust him to play fair. I need someone to watch my back."

"Why a duel?" I asked.

"I like duels. It's what I do," Isabela chuckled. "And if I win, he'll be dead. Problem solved!"

"What makes you think I'm right for this?" I pressed.

"You saw me talking to Lucky, didn't you?" she smiled knowingly. "Those boys couldn't manage simple information gathering. I can't trust the riffraff in this place to do anything right. But you...you're different."

"I think I could manage watching your back," I agreed, though by the look on Aveline's face, she didn't approve.

"I'll bet," Isabela chuckled. "I've arranged to meet Hayder in Hightown after dark. I'll meet you there." With that, she walked past me.

* * *

"So, I've been dying to know; what was going through your head when you fought that ogre" Varric leaned back in his chair after he ordered some drinks.

"I knew that whatever happened, I had to get the others to safety," I replied honestly.

"Lots of people talk about nobility and selflessness...generally in the same stories that have magic beans," Varric raised an eyebrow. "Somehow, Hawke, I imagine things won't be dull with you around. Not that I expect the Deep Roads to be boring, mind you. Constant threat of doom does tend to keep you awake."

"Anything in perticular I should know about your brother?" I asked.

"To understand Bartrand, you've got to understand the Dwarven Merchants Guild," Varric smirked at me. "These are dwarves who would sell their own mothers if they thought it'd get them a better share of the lyrium market. Anyone who deals with them has to sleep with a knife under their pillow. In my family, that's Bartrand."

"What are your plans for this trip into the Deep Roads?" I finally took a seat.

"Bartrand's running the show. Andraste's ass, he'd probably do that even if we weren't paying for everything," Varric obviously didn't care too much for his brother. The thaig we're looking for is supposed to be a week's travel from the serface. So I hope you aren't scared of the dark. We've got supplies, muscle, escavators...the plan is to carry out everything that's not nailed down."

I tried not to laugh as I said, "If we'll be working together, I should find out more about you."

"You're in luck! I am always willing to talk about myself to beautiful women," Varric grinned. "My family came from Orzammar-noble House Tethras-until my father got caught fixing Provings. He and our whole House got exiled. No huge loss. I was born up here. Sunshine suits me just fine."

"Are you a merchant? A mercenary?" I asked.

"I am a younger son. It's a difficult and dangerous perfession. A lot of us die of boredom. Fortunately, being Bartrand's younger brother keeps me on my toes. Maker knows he lacks subtlety. I'm the one who pulls strings to keep the Coterie out of our hair-keep us just a whisker ahead of the other families."

"What are the Deep Roads like?" I took a drink of ale.

"I could tell you the standard tales: legions of darkspawn, ravenous beasts, cave-ins...I've spent my entire life in Kirkwall. Dangerous enough, most days, but it doesn't compare to the Deep Roads," Varric sighed. "So this will be...let's just call it 'an adventure,' I guess."

"Great, now we're adventurers," I laughed.

We drank for a while before my younger brother came barging into Varric's room. As soon as he came through the door, Varric grinned at him.

"Don't look at me," Carver growled at Varric as he came into the Hanged Man.

"What's the problem, little Hawke?" Varric smirked.

"Don't call me...just don't alright? You're just looking for fodder for your stories," Carver glared at him.

"You think you're that interesting?" Varric's smirk grew.

"I have enough trouble being overshadowed as it is. I don't need to get caught under an imaginary me, too," Carver sighed.

"Don't you worry. I'm not in the business of lullabies or children's stories," Varric's voice was serious as he stood. He turned and looked at me, "It's about time we made our way to meet Isabela."

"Go home, Carver...take Raven out for a run," I sighed. "I'll see you when I get home."

"I always..." his voice trailed off as he turned around and walked out of the Hanged Man.

We made our way back through Lowtown, and up to Hightown. It took me a moment to find Isabela, but I found her rather quickly. Aveline was clearly uncomfortable, she felt as though the whole situation was illeagle. Which it could have been, but I believed that in a duel, it should be a fair fight, and that's what Isabela asked me to do. Make sure the fight was fair.

"There you are," Isabela sighed when she saw me."I've been here for hours. Hayder hasn't shown up. No one has. I don't like this."

"'I don't like this'? That's right up there with 'What could possibly go wrong?'" Varric shook his head.

"That's the wench we're looking for. Gut her!" a woman ordered a large group of thugs as they appeared from the shadows. Immediately, Isabela attacked, and this time Aveline stayed close to me as the men rushed towards me, as if they could sense I was a mage. I mainly threw elemental spells out at the men who were attacking us, I hated dirty fighters.

"Hayder sent them," Isabela breathed out once the fighting ended. "Search the bodies, and let's find out where he is." I went straight over to the woman who ordered the attack, and searched her body. There I found a note, which I handed to Isabela. "Hiding in the chantry and sending thugs to finish me off. Coward! He'll not get away with this. Come on." I followed Isabela through Hightown and into the Chantry, which I was surprised was free of guards after what happened with Anders.

As we made our way farther into the chantry, a man stepped out of the shadows, "Isabela. Should've known you'd find me here."

"Tell your men to burn the letters next time," Isabela glared at him.

"Castillon was heartbroken when he heard about the shipwreck. You should've let him know you survived," Hayder smirked.

"It must have slipped my mind," Isabela shrugged.

Hayder chuckled lightly, "Where's the relic?"

"I lost it. Castillon's just going to have to do without," Isabela said carelessly.

"Lost it? Just like you 'lost' a ship full of valuable cargo?" Hayder raised an eyebrow.

"They weren't cargo, Hayder, they were people!" Isabela argued angrily.

"Those slaves were worth a hundred sovereigns a head, and you just let them scurry off into the wilds," Hayder said, just as angrily as he looked. "And now the relic's gone, too. Castillon won't be happy to hear that, I promise you."

"Will someone explain what's going on?" I frowned, kind of wishing that I didn't bring Aveline along for this.

"Isabela's been a very bad girl. Ruined a perfect business deal, and then ran away," Hayder growled, then a smirk spread across his face. "She didn't tell you?"

"I told her enough!" Isabela said strictly. "I said I arranged a duel, which I did. I also said you wouldn't play fair, which you didn't. We can talk later if you want. Right now we have other problems."

"Castillon isn't a very happy person is he? Maybe he needs a new hobby," I joked.

"There's only one way to settle this," Isabela sighed.

Before I knew what she was going to do, she threw one of her daggers and hit a woman who was standing behind Hayder. A look of relief spread across his face as he drew his two-handed sword and charged at Isabela. To stop his charge, I froze him, allowing her to have the upper ground. Aveline didn't like any of this, but she protected both Anders and I from the men who got too close to us. Also, it helped that I knew how to mind-blast, sending the weaker men flying backwards.

"I was trying to talk him down," I told Isabela once the fighting was over.

"Trust me. It's better this way," Isabela replied. "Castillon won't find out about me from Hayder, but he'll find me eventually. "I just have to get him the relic. It's simple as that."

"What's so interesting about the relic?" I asked.

"I really don't know what it is, except that it's ancient and worth my weight in gold," Isabela shrugged. "Castillon has me chasing it down as payback for freeing his slaves. To be honest, I think he just wants me dead. But that would be letting me off too easy."

"You hired Lucky to track down information on the relic?" I guessed.

"That's right," Isabela nodded. "He insisted he knew everything that was going on in Kirkwall. He lied, I bet he doesn't even know what's going on in his pants."

"Did you end up in Kirkwall because your ship was destroyed?" I asked.

"There was a storm. The ship ran aground on the reefs near the city," Isabela replied. "I managed to make it ashore. Most of my men weren't as lucky. Poor sods. I knew some of those men almost ten years. Ah, balls..."

"Who is Castillon?" I wondered aloud.

"He's a powerful merchant based out of Antiva. I believe he has ties to the Felicisima Armada," Isabela took her dagger from the woman she killed's chest. "I used to work for him. The jobs mostly involved smuggling lyrium, jewels, or the occasional criminal acquantance. He paid well."

"What's this about you freeing slaves?" I asked.

"I was asked to escort Castillon's cargo ship. I got a bad feeling about the job partway through," Isabela explained. "Boarded the ship to find slaves. Nearly two hundred-elves, humans...children even. It was sickening. They paid Castillon to take them away from the Blight. He took their money and sold them into slavery. Even I know that's wrong. Didn't expect that, did you, Guardsman?"

I turned and looked back at Aveline, who shifted uncomfortably, then I turned my attention back to Isabela, "If getting the relic gets Castillon off your back, then I will help you retrieve it."

"I still don't know where it is, but you'll be the first to know if I hear anything," Isabela smiled. "Anyway, thanks for helping me out with Hayder. I think I'll tag along for a while. There might be something I could do for you. And I have a room at the Hanged Man, if you're looking for...company later."

We were walking through Hightown, I knew that Aveline was going to call it a night. So I decided to escort her back to the Viscount's Keep. The one thing I hated about the Keep, was the fact that there was so many damned stairs.

"So, Isabela. You're a captain?" Aveline asked Isabela as we made our way up the stairs to the Keep.

"That's right, big girl. What of it?" Isabela said in her purr of a voice.

"I don't remember your name on any registries. Every ship that docks has to declare," Aveline said stubbornly.

"I never docked, and you're no port authority," Isabela pointed out.

"And you... are no merchant," Aveline said rudely.

"Ooh... scrutiny," Isabela chuckled.

Once we dropped off Aveline in the Guards' Barracks, Anders, Isabela, Varric, and I made our way back down to Lowtown. Both Varric and Isabela went into the Hanged Man-I have no idea what they were doing, but Anders walked me over to Gamlen's house. I really didn't want to go inside just yet, so I sat down on the steps, making Anders frown, "Aren't you going to go in and rest?"

"I had planed on speaking with one of Athenril's contacts today. She was my old boss..." I sighed.

"I know who Athenril is, I've healed plenty of her people," Anders sat beside me. "What did this contact need help with?"

"Someone stole his goods, he doesn't trust anybody, so he wants me to meet him in Lowtown Market at night," I looked at the handsome mage and glanced up at the cloudy sky.

"There's always tomorrow, Hawke," Anders smiled.

"My sister would have liked you," I didn't look at him. "I think my father may have liked you as well."

"What was your sister like?" Anders asked gently.

"She was full of life," I smiled. "Our father taught us a good part of what I know about magic. She was such a good person, such a gentle soul. She always felt guilty about the fact we had to move around before we got to Lothering, because she thought it was her fault. It wasn't though. Three apostates in one family are hard to hide."

"So Carver..." Anders looked back at Gamlen's house's door.

"Carver and my mother aren't mages," I sighed. "I think Carver hates the fact that he was the only normal one in a family of mages. When he joined King Cailen's army, I should have known it was just his way of getting away from the magic in our family...Mother thinks-she believes that my family's troubles won't be over while there's three of us still alive."

"So, does she believe your family to be cursed?" Anders frowned.

"After my father and Bethany died, maybe," I couldn't look at him now, tears began to swell in my eyes. "At one point, I believed we were too."


	13. The ExSlave

"Who are the three of you?" I woke to Mother asking loudly.

"I'm Varric Tethras, Hawke's business partner," Varric's charming voice came through the thin walls.

"I'm Isabela, a friend of Hawke's," I was quite surprised to hear her voice.

"And the apostate is Anders," Carver was obviously not happy to see the mage.

I quickly got out of bed, quickly threw my robes, gloves, and boots on, grabbed my staff, and I rushed out into the living quarters. I had told Mother about Anders, I had no choice really, she asked me who I was speaking to outside the night before when I had finally went to bed, so I told her. I knew that she didn't like the term "apostate" mainly because of my father. I wanted to make sure that Carver didn't stress our mother out while I ran around Kirkwall trying to make some money.

"Shi, I want you to stay home today," Mother sighed when she saw me. "We are going to spend time together as a family today. If your friends want, they're free to join, and you can do your 'work' after we're done with diner."

"This is where I say good-bye," Isabela sighed. "I'll talk to you later, Hawke." I could have sworn she winked at Carver before she walked out the door.

"Blondie and I are free to stay," Varric grinned.

"Thanks for volinteering me, Varric," Anders chuckled.

"Blondie?" I laughed.

"My new nickname from Varric," Anders sighed.

"What's Carver's nickname?" Mother asked. She must haven't been able to stop herself.

"Don't-" Carver started.

"Little Hawke...and Junior," Varric smirked. "I don't think he really cares for either, Leandra."

"Oh, you know my name?" Mother smiled.

"Little goes on here that I don't know," Varric grinned. "Ever since I heard the name 'Hawke', I've been keeping tabs on Hawke, and when they went to my brother, I saw the perfect business partner."

Everyone sat in silence, I wasn't sure if Varric was serious or just joking around, but from what I could tell, when it came to his job, Varric never joked around-figuritively speaking. I decided to just take it as a joke, and I laughed, but Carver, I could tell he took it seriously. Anders and Varric visited with Mother for quite a while, I was actually surprised that Mother seemed to enjoy their company, but of course, from what I could tell, Mother didn't have much company, only Gamlen. The day was going great, I was sure that Gamlen was at the Blooming Rose, waisting away what little coin he did have. I was absolutely glad that I had new friends, even though Isabela had left for the day-perhaps it was for the best, she'd probably insult Mother by her manorisms.

"What, in Andraste's name, is going on here?" Gamlen demanded as he came through the door, letting us know that he was there.

"We're having a family day," Carver told our uncle.

"Last I checked, there wasn't a dwarf in our family," Gamlen stated.

"How would you know that?" Varric smirked. "For all you know, Gamlen, I could be a distant cousin of yours."

"Maker's ass you are," Gamlen growled. "Now, why is there so much people here?"

"Because they're my friends," I glared at my uncle. "Because they have every right to be here while I'm staying here. After all, I did pay off your debt to Athenril."

"Well...when you're done, just make sure you clean up after yourselves before you leave," Gamlen walked back out of the door.

"And that was Uncle Gamlen," Carver sighed.

"I kinda figured that one out," Anders looked at me and smiled. I returned his smile, though I was sure my smile didn't shine in my eyes like it did his. I don't know why, but I couldn't get over the fact that he had flirted with me first, and then he turned around and brushed me away. Honestly, that had never happened to me before, and it kind of bruised my ego. Mother made Ferelden-style fish and chips, and the mage surprised me after dinner when he helped my mother clean up.

"I guess it's time we go talk to that contact of Athenril's," Varric said to me quietly. "That's if you're up for it right now."

"I'm up for it," I nodded. "Should we go get Aveline?"

"Why not just take Junior with us? He's good enough with a sword. Cocky little shit, but good," Varric sighed. "What harm could it do by bringing him?"

"He gets even more cockier," I chuckled. "I'll have to bring Raven as well."

"Good idea," Varric smirked. "Shall we?"

The Lowtown Market wasn't far from Gamlen's house, it was pretty much just around the corner, though there were stairs before we reached Athenril's contact. "Are you Anso?" I asked the dwarf.

"Aaah!" he jumped and whirled around. "Sweet mother of partha! You can't just run up on someone like that! Are you...the human Athenril told me about? The one...looking for work?"

"I used to work with Athenril if that's what you mean," I nodded.

"Yes it is! What I mean, that is!" Anso seemed extremely jumpy. "My appologies human, I haven't been on the surface long. I keep thinking I'll fall up into that sky any minute!"

Varric chuckled and looked at me, "Bartrand used to be like that. Used to get jumpy everytime he stepped outside."

"I'd pay to see that," Carver laughed.

"But I digress! I need some help. Rather badly, in fact. Some product of mine has been...misplaced," Anso sighed. "The men who were supposed to deliver it decided not to. If you retreave my property, I could reward you handsomely...?"

"Just what did these men steal?" of course I had to know what I was looking for.

"Did I say steal?" Anso chuckled nervously. "I don't know if I would go that far. They seemed like perfectly reasonable smugglers. They even smiled and everything. The goods are valuable, however. And illegal. And my client wants them very, very badly. You know how these templars can be."

"You're smuggling lyrium to the templars?" I really shouldn't have been shocked. Athenril's contacts were always in that line of work.

"Of course he is," Carver said judgementally, shaking his head. "That's just bloody great."

"Shhh!" Anso looked around quickly. "By the Paragons, not so loudly! My word! I'm not cut out for this. I should have taken that job sweeping stables like Mother insisted."

"I'll get it back for you," I sighed, actually feeling sorry for the poor slob.

"Must we?" Carver frowned.

"Oh thank goodness!" Anso let out a relieved breath. The gentlemen conduct their business in a little hovel within the alienage. If you have to kill it, then I guess it can't be avoided. But I'm sure they'll be reasonable!"

Apparently he hadn't been on the surface that long at all if he thought the smugglers in Kirkwall wouldn't jump at the chance to rip him off. If he hadn't been so...pathetic, I probably wouldn't have agreed to this. My brother really didn't like the idea of doing anymore of Athenril's dirty work-neither did I, but for some reason I felt as though I needed to help the stupid dwarf. I was half tempted to tell Carver to go grab Raven, but I decided against it and made my way towards the Alienage with Varric, Anders, and Carver close behind me.

"So Hawke, I understand you still have that deal with that Flemeth witch...shall we take care of that tomorrow? Say bright and early in the morning? My contacts told me that there's a Dalish camp not far from here, but it will still take a good part of the day to get there," Varric looked at me.

"I would love to," I really needed to keep my word to the witch who'd helped my family reach Kirkwall. Sure, it had been a year since I'd arrived in Kirkwall, but who knew how long those elves have been waiting on me. It kind of made me feel bad about the whole situation now.

"I'm sure it won't take that long, Hawke," Varric grinned at me. "We'll finish off your debt to the witch, and get back to business."

"That will be nice," I grinned back at him.

We walked in silence for a while until, "What are you looking at?" Carver asked suddenly as we made our way into the alienage. "Your sisters are... were both mages, as was your father?" Anders asked curiously.

"And I'm not. What of it?" of course Carver took it the wrong way.

"Nothing, it's not always passed to all siblings. But it's good to know that you understand our plight," Anders's voice had a smile to it.

"Shove your plight," Carver spat.

I shook my head and looked around at all the shacks, until I saw the one that looked the most abandoned to me. We walked into the house in the far corner of the alienage, only to find ourselves in an ambush by a bunch of thugs. Of course, with my luck, the chest in the house was empty-Carver, Anders, and Varric all felt as though this was some kind of setup, but I decided to speak to Anso before acting on anything. There was no way I could just accuse a man of setting me up if I had no proof. Anders stepped beside me as we walked outside, his staff already in hand-as if Justice was already warning him about something. As we walked out the door we were surrounded by men, all wearing Tevinter armor-making me guess that they were all from Tevinter.

"That's not the elf! Who is that?" a woman demanded angrily.

"It doesn't matter! We were told to kill whoever enters the house!" the man beside her drew his sword and rushed for me.

Anders froze the man in his spot, while Carver rushed the woman. Silently praying to the Maker that I didn't do any harm to the alienage, I did a fire spell, making balls of fire fall from the sky-hoping not to draw the attention of any templars in the area. I was thankful when the fighting was done-I really didn't care for fighting, even though that seemed to be the main thing I was good at. Once the fighting was over and done with, Varric, Carver, Anders, and I all slowly made our way to the alienage exit. Yet another man in Tevinter armor stepped in front of us, blocking our paths. He glared at mainly me for some reason, maybe because I was in front of everyone.

"I don't know who you are, friend, but you've made a serious mistake coming here," his Tevinter accent was thick. "Lieutenant! I want everyone in the clearing! Now!"

A man came stumbling down the stairs, blood gooshing everywhere, "Capitan..." He fell to the ground, dead.

"Your men are dead," a tall, lanky elf with snow white hair, forest green eyes, and the strangest markings on his skin stepped over the body as he walked down the stairs. "And your trap has failed. I suggest running back to your master while you can."

The capitan rushed forward and grabbed the elf's shoulder, "You're going nowhere, slave!"

The elf's tatooes glowed suddenly and he stuck his fist right through the man. "I am not a slave," he snarled. I'd never seen anything like him before. It was quite shocking. He looked at me and nodded, "I appologize. When I asked Anso to provide a distraction for the hunters, I had no idea they'd be so...numerous."

"I take it these men were looking for you," I looked around at all the dead men laying on the ground.

"Correct. My name is Fenris. These men were Imperial bountyhunters seeking to recover a majester's lost property, namely myself," the elf sighed, his voice was strangely deep for an elf. "They were trying to lure me into the open. Crude as their methods were, I could not face them alone. Thankfully, Anso chose wisely."

I frowned, "Everything Anso said was a lie, then?"

"Not everything," Fenris didn't look away from me. "Your employer was simply not who you believed."

"That seems like alot of effort to find one slave," I somehow managed to break eyecontact with him.

"It is," was all he said.

"Does this have something to do with those markings?" I asked, moving my eyes to the tatooes on his arms and fingers.

"Yes, I imagine I must look strange to you," Fenris looked down at his arms as well and for the first time, I realized that his gauntlets were like claws. "I did not recieve these markings by choice. Even so, they have served me well. Without them, I would still be a slave."

"If they were really trying to recapture you, then I'm happy I helped," I smiled.

"I have met few in my travels who have sought anything more than personal gain," Fenris frowned at me. "If I may ask: What was in the chest? The one they kept in the house?"

"It was empty," I shrugged.

"I supposed it was too much to hope for. Even so, I had to know," Fenris sighed.

"You were expecting something else?" I asked.

"I was, but I shouldn't have. It was bait, nothing more," Fenris stepped over so he was standing above the dead capitan.

"You didn't need to lie to get my help," I told him.

"That remains to be seen," his voice went cold. He bent down and started to rummage through the capitan's pockets. He grabbed something and looked back at me, "It's as I thought. My former master accompanied them to the city. I know you have questions, but I must confront him before he flees. I will need your help."

"It sounds like you intend to do more than just talk," I stated.

"Danarius wants to strip the flesh from my bones and has sent so many hunters that I've lost count," Fenris said. "And before that, he kept me on a lease like a Qunari mage, a personal pet to mock Qunari custom."

"Ouch," Anders cringed.

"So yes, I intend to do more than just talk," he growled.

"If it means fighting more slavers, I'll help you," there wasn't really a point in asking for any coin at this point. I figured an ex-slave didn't have much coin.

"I will find a way to repay you. I swear it," he smiled slightly, but barely. "The magister is staying at a mansion in Hightown. Meet me there as soon as you can. We must enter before morning." With that, he ran off towards Hightown, making me think that he's been here for a while now.

"I don't know if this is a good idea, Sister," Carver frowned.

"We're talking about slavers, Car...Slavers! I'm sorry, but I just have to do it!" I don't know why, that was just one of the things that I couldn't stand the most...slavers. Slavers and most templars.

"Let's hope that this doesn't draw more attention to us. That's the last thing we need," Carver mumbled bitterly. I didn't get why he just couldn't go along with me for once. He was supposed to have my back, not turn around and argue with me at every turn.

"I've always wondered, why is every surface dwarf a merchant or a smith?" Anders asked Varric, changing the subject as quickly as possible.

"You left out criminals and hired muscle," Varric added smoothly.

"They don't count," I almost couldn't believe he'd said that.

"We dwarves are drawn to shiny objects. Sort of like Magpies, but with business sense," Varric smiled.

"You're kidding," Anders sounded skeptical.

"Of course I am. We come to the surface with the skills our ancestors had, Blondie. You think there's a tradition of dwarf woodcutters in Orzammar? Bee keepers? Sailors?" Varric asked.

"Well, there could be mushroom growers and nug wranglers," Anders joked.

"Orzammar will never let those people go topside. Too vital. Also, embarrassing," Varric sighed. "Oh, good-Hightown. The nicer mansions are up the stairs by the chantry."

"Thanks, Varric," I grinned as I made my way up the long flight of stairs, starting to doubt Fenris was even going to be here, that was until I saw his snow white hair.

"No one has left the mansion, but I've heard nothing within," Fenris sighed as soon as he saw us approaching. "Danarius may know we're here. I wouldn't put it past him."

"I could stand to know a bit more about this Danarius," I bit my lip, hoping that the elf would oblige my curiosity.

"He is a magester of the Tevinter Imperium," Fenris replied.

"Oh, is that all? Nothing to worry about then," Varric said sarcastically.

"There, he is a wealthy mage with great influence. Here, he is but a man who sweats like any other when death comes for him," Fenris finished.

"He may have prepared some magical defenses," I told him. Shoot, I'd do it if I were in his shoes.

"They will not keep me from him," Fenris said agressively.

I looked at Carver, "Go home and make sure Mother hasn't killed Gamlen yet."

"Why-" Carver started.

"Mother would kill me if anything happened to you," my voice got strict. "Go make sure Mother is okay, and tell her I will be home after I'm done dealing with business."

"Fine...bitch," Carver huffed under his breath.

"I heard that!" I called after him as I followed Fenris, Varric, and Anders into the mansion.

There were so many...I couldn't believe how many demons there were. How was it even possible for a mage to summon so many demons? Sure, I'd faught many shades and rage demons in the Fade-I was a mage, of course I had to constantly fight my own demons, but all those demons outside the Fade. It was quite unsettling. It made me very uneasy, though no vail in the Fade had been torn, thankfully, or I'd be able to feel it. Fenris had shocked me by turning a beautiful lyrium-blue color as he faught the demons, which was kind of distracting for me, because the only other person I'd seen glow blue was Anders, but they were clearly not the same at all. Sadly, the whole thing had been one big disappointment, Danarius wasn't there, it was clear that he had left before Fenris had arrived to stake the place out. I couldn't help but feel bad for the elf who clearly wanted his freedom from his ex-master.

"Gone," Fenris shook his head in disappointment. "I had hoped...no, it doen't matter any longer. I assume Danarius left valuables behind. Take them if you wish. I...need some air."

Varric immediately took to the offer, acting as though he were the luckiest person in the world. I almost wanted to laugh, but I helped the beardless dwarf empty the chests. Anders and Varric joked as we backtracked through the mansion and went back through the door we'd came in through. I really didn't want to be in the house any longer. I had a craving for the Hanged Man, I just wanted to drink the sight of the demons away.

"It never ends," Fenris sighed from beside the door outside. "I escaped a land of dark magic only to have it hunt me at every turn. It is a plague burned into my flesh and my soul. And now I find myself in the company of yet another mage." He looked at me and moved towards us, "I saw you casting spells inside. I should have realized sooner what you really were. Tell me then: What manner of mage are you? What is it that you seek?"

"I'm just trying to get by," I shrugged.

"Yet I have seen many crimes done in the name of survival," Fenris narrowed his eyes at me.

"Hawke isn't the only mage around here," Anders glared at the elf.

"I imagine I appear to be ungreatful," Fenris sighed. "If so, I appologize, for nothing could be farther from the truth. I did not find Danarius, but I still owe you a debt. Here is all the coin I have, as Anso promised." He handed me a coinpurse. "Should you find yourself in need of assistance, I would gladly render it."

"You didn't seem all that thrilled with me a moment ago," I pointed out.

"You are not Danarius," Fenris said. "Whether you are anything like him remains to be seen."

"Your old master must want something more than just a runaway slave," I frowned.

"He doesn't want me at all. Just the markings on my skin," Fenris moved back to the wall and leaned back against it. "They are lyrium, burned into my flesh to provide the power that Danarius required of his pet. And now he wishes his precious investment returned, even if he must rip it from my corpse."

"Seems like a waste of a perfectly handsome elf," I grinned, unable to stop myself.

Fenris chuckled nervously and caughed before changing the subject back, "The truth is, I know nothing of the ritual that placed these markings on me. It was Danarius's choice. One he now regrets."

"I'm planing an expadition I might need help with," I told him.

"Fair enough," Fenris nodded. "Should you ever have need of me, I will be here. If Danarius wishes his mansion back, he is free to return and claim it. Beyond that, I am at your disposal."

"We're heading over to the Hanged Man, would you care to join us?" I offered.

"Very well, I guess I could go," Fenris nodded.

"Have you ever played Diamondback, elf?" Varric smirked.

* * *

Of course Carver had to be at the Hanged Man when we arrived. He looked as though he was shocked to see us there, but for some reason, Isabela was already drinking with the ninteen-year-old boy. As soon as Fenris sat down in a far corner of the table, Isabela immediately scooted over to his side and started to flirt with him shamelessly. Carver looked at Anders and frowned, "So...Justice-how's he different from a demon?"

"He aspires after a virtue," Anders didn't look at my brother.

"Carver, not here," I hissed angrily.

"Why not? You talk about 'mage' stuff anywhere you please, Shilo," Carver shook his head and turned to Fenris. "So... this master of yours wants your markings back? Skin and all?"

"So his hunters told me. Unwillingly," Fenris looked at me as he said this.

"So why not cover them up? Wouldn't that make you harder to find?" Carver asked.

"Let them come. I am not one to hide," Fenris growled.

"Still, if it were me—" Carver started.

Fenris interupted him, "It's not."

That brought the conversation between them to a complete halt. I was kind of shocked at how quickly Fenris got my brother to shut up. Not even I could do it that quickly. I could tell that all Fenris wanted to do was drink his ale, learn how to play Diamondback, and be left alone. Unfortunately, Isabela had chosen him as a target for the evening.

"I enjoy a man with markings like that," Isabela purred suductively as Carver, Varric, Anders, and I looked on.

"You've enjoyed many, I suspect," Fenris drawled. I looked down at the table, for a second I thought that was his way of calling her a whore.

"Where I come from, they're called 'tatooes'. Sailors get them all the time," Isabela smiled, obviously not picking up on his deflection.

"Not made of lyrium, I'd imagine," Fenris raised an eyebrow.

"Not a one. And the pictures are different—usually breasts," Isabela nodded.

"I suppose a pair of lyrium breasts tattooed onto my chest would make things better," Fenris sighed.

"That's me. I'm a helper," Isabela grinned.

"Okay, are we going to sit here all night talking? Or can we start up this game?" Varric asked in a demanding tone, though everyone could tell that it was forced. I started to laugh and seconded him, though I wasn't sure that I wanted to lose more coin to Varric when I had an expadition to save up for. After the first round, I backed out, and when Fenris decided to leave, I offered to walk him home. I didn't want to go home quite yet, and at the rate Carver was drinking, I really didn't want to be his babysitter either. The very thought of watching my brother drunk made me sick at the moment.

* * *

It took longer than usual to get to Fenris's mansion, mainly because I was slightly buzzed and took a wrong turn, somehow entertaining Fenris. He had me go up to his old master's room, where I used a fire spell to lite the fire while Fenris ran off somewhere to grab something. I looked around the room nervously, I didn't really like the fact that demons had been here just hours ago.

"Agreggio Pavali. There are six bottles in the cellar," Fenris sighed as he came into the room and I took a seat by the fire. "Danarius used to have me pour it for his guest. My appearance intimidated them, he said, which he enjoyed."

"You were his servant as well as his bodyguard?" I frowned.

"I was his slave," Fenris shrugged. "I propped up the furniture when he was so inclined." He took a big chug off the wine, looked at it, and then threw it against the wall, shattering the glass into thousands of peices. "It's good I can still take pleasure in the small things."

"You could have offered me a glass first, you know," I joked.

"There's more, if you're really interested," Fenris shrugged.

"Parish the thought. How else would you redecorate the walls?" I actually managed to keep a straight face.

Fenris laughed and then made a sound in his throat as he changed the subject, "I've wanted to leave my past behind me. But it won't stay there. Tell me: Have you never wanted to return to Ferelden?"

I nodded, "I grew up in Ferelden. It will always be my home."

"The Blight is over. You could rebuild what you've lost. Do you truly not want to?" Fenris frowned as he sat down across from me.

"My mother came from Kirkwall. Our haritage is here," I replied.

"Having a place where you can put down roots. I understand," Fenris nodded. "Still, to have the option...must be gratifying."

"If you're looking to start a life, you could stay," I offered.

"I could see myself staying...for the right reasons," he sighed. "I should thank you again for helping me with the hunters. Had I known Anso would find me a woman so capable, I might have asked him to look sooner."

"Maybe I should be thanking Anso," I smiled.

"Maybe you should," Fenris grinned back at me. As he stood, his forest green eyes sparkled, "Perhaps I'll practice my flattery for your next visit. With any luck, I'll become better at it."

"Thank you, Fenris," I stood as well. "Thank you for visiting with me...would you care to join us tomorrow?"

"Whatever it is, I'm willing," Fenris nodded, not asking any questions. Like what we were going to be doing or anything else along those lines. As I made my way out of the mansion, I felt myself smile, I wondered what Mother would think of my new friend.


	14. A Debt Paid

I couldn't sleep-I have no clue why, I just couldn't. So I stayed up and kept the fire in Gamlen's house going and played with Raven for a while. There wasn't anything I could do but go back to the Hanged Man, but I didn't want to drink at the moment. Carver was out cold, he passed out as soon as he got into bed-it was a very good thing that I didn't plan on taking him with me in the morning, because he would just be grouchy with a hangover, and there was no way I was going to put up with my brother acting like a bitch. Just as light touched the sky, Varric and Fenris showed up to get me. Raven wined in protest, and while I was saying good-bye to my mabari, Anders showed up. Fenris immediately glared at Anders, but I ignored the tension, too tired to even really want to be caring about their clear feelings towards eachother even though they just met.

"Good morning, Hawke. Where to first?" Varric grinned at me.

"Well, I was thinking we could stop by the Gallows first," I sighed, reaching into my pocket for the letter that was to my father.

"Then off on our adventure to clear your debt with the witch!" Varric smirked. "Oh, this will make one good..." He trailed off, and walked out the door. I was pretty sure Varric didn't really care for Gamlen's house. Shit, I didn't even care for Gamlen's house, and I'd been living there for a year.

"Quiet, Mother and Carver are sleeping," I frowned at Varric.

"How is Leandra?" Anders asked politely.

"She's doing good. She's going to the chantry later on to speak with the Revered Mother about putting candles up for my father and sister," I sighed. "We should go. I don't want Carver waking up."

"Did I hear correctly? You are an... abomination?" Fenris's voice nearly echoed when he asked as we headed towards the Gallows.

"Why don't you shout? I don't think everyone heard you," Anders glared at the elf.

"Do you see yourself as harmless, then? An abomination who would never harm someone?" the anger was clear in Fenris's voice.

"Like ripping someone's heart out of his chest?" Anders asked.

"I did that at the behest of no demon," Fenris growled defencively.

"So we agree that it doesn't take a demon for someone to be a vicious killer? Good," Anders said sarcastically.

I frowned, the last thing I needed was for the two of them to fight over mage business in the Circle of Magi. I had found some letters that had been addressed to my father, and I figured that someone-an older mage, would be able to tell me something about the letter. As we reached the Gallows, Fenris froze and stared up at one of the slave statues.

"I've...heard about the Circle of Magi outside of the Imperium, but I've never been in one," Fenris breathed as we entered the Gallows. "Are you certain it's wise for you to be here?"

"Maybe not, but we'll be cautious," I shrugged.

"This seems more like a prison," Fenris sighed. "I wonder if it's more effective than the Circle I know."

"How is the Imperial Circle of Magi different?" I asked.

"Once upon a time it was as it is here. The chantry watched the magisters closely for any signs of corruption or weakness," Fenris said. "Then it changed. The magisters were permitted to watch over their own, and the templars kept only to enforce the law. What happened next was inevitable. The magisters rule again, as powerful as they ever were."

"You said the Chantry used to watch the magisters. Why did they stop?" I frowned. As much as I feared the Circle, I didn't believe the chantry should stop watching over mages, that would be a disaster for many people.

"You must remember that the attitude about magic is different in Tevinter," Fenris looked around at the mages and tranquil wandering around. "Magisters came from wealthy families, bloodlines that had nurtured magical talent for generations. The Chantry wasn't trying to control poor peasants but the scions of the greatest houses in the Imperium."

"I thought the magisters had been thrown down by the Chantry," I stated.

"On the contrary, Andraste never defeated the Imperium. Her great army conquered the south, but not the north," Fenris shook his head. "The magisters eventually surrendered to the Chantry, but did so on their terms. They kept their influence. Thus they reclaimed what they had lost over the centuries. Some battles are lost by inches."

"You talk about the magisters like they are all evil," I pointed out.

"I have no doubt that some good and noble men, strong enough to resist temptation," Fenris sighed. "But how many temptations to you wish to offer a man before he will give in? Blood magic is everywhere in Tevinter. From the lowliest apprentice up to the archon himself."

"You can't have seen this for yourself," I looked at him doubtfully.

"Hmph," Fenris's ears twitched. "Danarius talked about it often. Of course they say it's forbidden. Behind the smiles and closed doors, however, it's a different matter. To be a magister in Tevinter is to be glorious. To be a powerful magister in Tevinter...that it worth any price."

"You're saying the same thing could happen here," I shifted.

"If the mages were permitted to be their own watchers? Of course," Fenris nodded. "It is too easy for a mage to resort to blood magic if they feel the need is great enough."

"As easy as it is to resort to a sword?" Anders glared at Fenris. "You were created as a living weapon. Should you not be trusted with your freedom?"

"My powers are not controled by a demon," Fenris glared right back at him. "A mage can desire power, justice, revenge, protection...any cause will do, and then they are lost."

"You can't say every mage is corrupt," I frowned at him.

"All I am saying is the Imperium offers no answers. All that Andraste did long ago to end the tyranny of magic has been undone," Fenris looked back at me.

"She ended the tyranny of magic and replaced it with an entirely new one," Anders growled. I frowned at him, wishing he wouldn't make a big deal of this here of all places.

"Considering all that my homeland and my race I weep for your predicament," Fenris looked over at Anders, his forest green eyes sparked with anger. That anger vanished somewhat when he looked back at me, "Power corrupts, as they say, and mages have power enough already."

"According to everything I've seen, the Circle can't control mages anyhow," I told him what I thought.

"And what is the alternitive?" Fenris frowned at me. "Freedom is a noble ideal, but I see no oppression here. I see fear... and danger. But enough, I'm sure we came here for a reason."

Anders and Fenris immediately began to argue, but I'd come to the Gallows for a reason. To figure out what the letters my father had written ment without drawing the attention of any of the templars that wandered around. I made my way towards the Circle of Magi, praying that Fenris and Anders's bickering wouldn't draw any attention to us. Not when I believed that I would be the first to get thrown into the Circle.

"I know your face," an old mage said as I walked by him. "I am Tobrius. And you are a Hawke." He smiled at me, his light blue eyes twinkled, "I remember your father. Malcolm was a good man."

"I found a letter you sent. About a friend of his you could not name," I pulled the letter out of my robes.

"Ah, the templar," Tobrius nodded. "Your father could not write to him directly, lest the order found out."

"The templar?" this wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

"He allowed your father to leave Kirkwall. 'Rule is not served by caging the best of us'. A wise man," Tobrius smiled.

"Not what I would expect from a templar," I sighed.

"There was a time when the rules of the Order could be...interpreted to suit a situation. Unlike these days," Tobrius let out a slow breath. He started to walk away and turned back to me, "I will send the letters I held. It seems fitting that they return to famiy." He motioned for me to stay, so while I waited, I looked at the swords in the weapons stand by the Gallows entrance, actually thinking about getting one for Carver. "Such a friendship. Few like your father remain," the old man sighed from behind me as he walked up to me. As he handed me a bundle of letters, he smiled sadly, "Even fewer like the templar. Rest well at the Maker's side, Ser Maurevar Carver."

I gawked at the mage as he walked back to where he'd been standing to begin with. I couldn't believe I'd heard my brother's name when he'd said the templar's name. Was it even possible that my father would name Carver after a templar? Now that I thought about it, I could believe it, mainly because the templar had given my father the chance to live his life free. In a way, I was greatful to the templars that were like that, but I kept silent as we walked out of the city gates and towards Sundermount.

* * *

The trip took us a good part of the day, like Varric had said it would. And even though I wasn't expecting a party when we arrived, I sure wasn't expecting to have arrows pointed at us as we neared the Dalish camp.

"Hold, shemlen! Your kind are not welcome among the Dalish," one of the hunters growled at me.

"What's a 'shemlen'?" I frowned.

"It is the elven word for human," Fenris said from behind me.

"It means you are not one of the People, and you should leave. Now," the hunter ordered.

"I was given an amulet for someone named Marethari," I told him.

"How do you know that name?" the hunter asked.

"Wait! This is the one the Keeper spoke of," the woman hunter tilted her head slightly as she looked at me.

"A shemlen? I thought she'd be an elf," the first hunter frowned.

"Enter the camp. Keeper Marethari has been waiting for you," the woman nodded.

"Cause trouble, and you'll meet our blades, stranger," the hunter glared at me.

We walked into the Dalish camp, all of the elves' eyes were upon us as we approached Keeper Marethari, the two Dalish hunters left us once we reached the fire that she was standing beside. I was sure that the Dalish hunters wouldn't just take us to any member of their clan, so I knew that I was standing before Marethari, though common-sense told me to question it, of course.

"Marethari?" I frowned as I approached the elderly elven woman. I pulled the locket Flemeth had given to me out of my robes and held it out, "I was told to bring you this amulet."

The Dalish Keeper looked at the amulet carefully before looking up at me, "Andaran atish'an, travelers. Indeed, I am Keeper Marethari. Let me look at you." She eyed me with wise eyes that seemed to look into my soul. "There's truth in your face. A rare thing in a human. Tell me how this burden fell to you, child."

"Your guards said you spoke of me. How did you know I was coming?" I frowned.

"I listened," Marethari replied. "To the wind. To the birds, as the hunters do. To my dreams. I watched the stars. There is great wisdom to be found all around us, if you know how to listen for it. But I was not certian. Nothing is certian."

"Are you the leader of these Dalish? Why did the witch tell me to bring this to you?" I asked.

"I am the Keeper of this clan. It is my task to lead my people and to ensure the old ways are not forgotten," Marethari's ears twitched. "As for Asha'bellanar, I am tied to her, just as you are, by a debt that must be repaid."

"Exactly what have I been carrying around? Is it magic?" I didn't like the thought of Flemeth giving me something dangerous to smuggle into Kirkwall-even though over the last year I'd done a good share of my own smuggling.

"It is a promise, child. Made by one whose word still has weight. And therefore it has terrible power," Marethari sighed. "There are few things in this world stronger than a promise kept. Remember that."

"This amulet's owner rescued my family from the blight. In return, I agreed to bring it to you," I explained.

"I honor you for coming to me, but I'm afraid your part in this is not done yet," Marethari frowned. "The amulet must be taken to an alter at the top of the mountain, and given a Dalish rite for the departed. Then return the amulet to me. Do this and your debt will be repaid."

"Are you going to teach me this rite for the departed?" I asked.

"I will send my First with you. She will see to it that the ritual is done," Marethari sighed almost sadly. "And when it is complete, I must ask that you take her with you when you go."

"Who is your First? First of what?" I was confused.

"Your people would call her my apprentice or heir. Merrill would have taken my place as Keeper," Marethari sounded upset. "But she has chosen a new path. Please, guide her safely from here."

"If that's what you want," I shrugged.

"It isn't what I want. But it is what she wants," Marethari looked at my companions and frowned. "You'll find Merrill waiting for you on the trail just up the mountain. Dareth shiral."

The path Marethari pointed to was a steep one, immediately I knew that the trip up the mountain was going to be a pain in my ass. I was thankful that Fenris and Anders had gotten to the point where they were no longer speaking to eachother, at least I didn't have to hear them fighting over the mage situation or anything else. Anders stayed beside me as Fenris and Varric flanked behind me while we slowly made our way up the side of the mountain. I didn't know how jumpy Dalish elves were, so I really didn't want to frighten the Keeper's First. There was a small, petite elf sitting on the grass ahead, her head was tilted as she studied a glowing light in her hand as well as a small humming sound that I wasn't quite sure what it was. As soon as she noticed us, the glow stopped and she quickly stood.

"Oh! I didn't hear. You must be the one the Keeper told me about. Aneth ara," she smiled innocently at me. The little elf frowned and looked ashamed, "I'm so sorry I didn't ask your name. Unless... it's not rude to ask a human their name, is it? I'm Merrill. Which you probably knew already. I'm rambling, sorry."

"Why are you leaving the Dalish for Kirkwall?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I have to," Merrill looked around anxiously. "Let's leave it at that for now, all right?"

"I get the feeling you're in trouble," I frowned.

"It's not like that! Not exactly, anyway," Merrill said defensively. "The Keeper and I have disagreements, but it will sort itself out in time."

"Did you hear that strange noise? When we were walking up here?" I asked.

"Oh, I didn't hear anything," Merrill shrugged.

"You seem awfully nervous," I observed.

"I've never met a human before. Dalish mothers frighten their children with stories about you, you know," Merrill shifted. Her eyes widened and she looked at me. "Not you, personally, of course. I'm sure they don't have any tales about you. Or not scary ones, at least. Not that you're not notible enough to have a story...I'll just shut up now."

"We didn't get a proper introduction," I tried to make her less nervous.

"I am-or was, I suppose-the First to Keeper Marethari," Merrill smiled slightly. "I've studied the old ways for as long as I can remember. I know things-the lore of the Dalish-that can help us get to the summit of Sundermount.

"My name is Hawke," I smiled at her. "Glad to make your acquaintance, Merrill."

"Thank you," she looked to the side sheepishly. "I'm afraid I'm not very experienced with your kind. The Keeper said you were from Ferelden. I spent most of my life there. We only came north a few years ago. Have you been in the Free Marches long? Do you like it here?"

"I've lived in Kirkwall for a year now. It's a good place to get a fresh start," I offered encouragingly.

"Really? I hope you're right," Merrill sounded hopeful. "We should go. Your task is for Asha'bellanar. It's not wise to make her wait."

"Let's get this over with," I sighed.

We hiked up the side of the mountain for about half-an-hour, when we reached a clearing, I was about to suggest that we take a small break, but skeletons came from out of the ground, as if they were being disturbed by magic. As I chaneled an ice spell through my staff, Varric and Fenris faught with their weapons. Just as I shot my spell, I ducked, just in time for a lightening ball flew past me. I was too into the fight to stop, but once the last of the walking dead were killed, everyone stopped and stared at Merrill. I put my staff away and stepped towards the elf, "The Keeper didn't mention you were a mage."

"I imagine it's difficult to give away something nobody wants," Fenris glared at the Dalish mage.

"All Keepers know a bit of old magic," Merrill shrugged. "The stories tell us that all elvhen once had the gift, but like so many things, it was lost. It's a Keeper's job to remember, to restore what we can."

"Can't demons possess Dalish mages?" I had never heard of a Dalish mage, which ment they protected their secret very well.

"It can happen, and when it does, the clan must hunt and kill their own Keeper," Merrill frowned.

"Does the Chantry know about the Dalish mages?" I asked.

"Oh, they know," Merrill nodded, "Keeper Marethari told me that was one of the reasons we never camped too long in one place. They usually won't pursue us if we stay away from cities and towns and keep moving."

"You don't know how good you've got it," Anders frowned at her, speaking in an envious voice.

"But my clan is in more danger, having lost our halla," Merrill ignored Anders.

"If you go to Kirkwall, you'll be an apostate in a city full of templars," I informed the small mage.

"I know," Merrill began to pace, "but if I don't go to Kirkwall, I'll be alone. A solitary elf is easy prey for anyone. In the city, I can get lost in the croud."

"I'm glad you decided to pitch in back there," I smiled at her, since there was no way of talking her out of going to Kirkwall.

"Oh! You're welcome," Merrill was obviously surprised by my complement. "I wasn't sure I'd be much good. I've done a little fighting before, but it was always alone. I'll try not to hit anyone. On our side, I mean. I'm babbling again. Let's go."

My legs were burning from the hike up Sundermount, but Merrill was anxious and didn't want to stop. I wondered if that was the way she was, or if she just wanted to get away from her clan. I could tell that Fenris was holding in some really rude comments, since his obvious dislike for mages clearly went out to her as well. I was trying to think up ways for Fenris and Anders...and Merrill I guess, to all get along, but I kept coming up with nothing. I didn't know Fenris or Anders...or Merrill well enough to even suggest anything that would solve their problem. I kind of excluded myself from all of this because of the night before.

"So the Keeper finally found someone to take you away from here," a male Dalish hunter glared at Merrill as we neared his camp.

"Yes," Merrill nodded.

"Then finish your task quickly, human," the Dalish hunter said hostally. "We cannot be rid of this one too soon."

"Hmph," Varric breathed in, "I'm sensing a story here."

"I have made my choice," Merrill told the hunter as he shoved past us. "And I will save our clan, whatever you think."

"What's going on here, Merrill?" I frowned at her.

"Nothing," Merrill shook her head. "Just ignorance. We should go." I frowned, but before I could ask anything else, she walked on ahead, not giving me the chance.

I kept my mouth shut, which was hard for me to do sometimes, and I followed the small elf. Usually people trusted me-even when they just met me, but for some reason, I couldn't get Merrill to open up to me right away, which was somewhat strange. I had at least gotten Fenris to open up somewhat with me the night before, and I had just met him. The sun was starting to set, I was hungry and tired, wishing that we could just hurry to the top and finish the job before it got too dark to make our way back down again. Anders stayed close to my side, Merrill made sure to stay up ahead, and Varric and Fenris remained behind, talking about something, though I had no idea what the two of them were speaking about.

"I'm sorry," Merril sighed as we reached the mouth of a cave. All of us stopped at once. "You're not really seeing the Dalish at their best." She turned around and looked at me, "We're good people who look out for eachother. Just not today, apparently."

"Is there anything I could do to help?" I asked curiously.

"It's kind of you to ask. I'm fine," Merrill looked away from me. "Even if my people don't appreciate my efforts, I must see this through. Let's go. Asha'bellanar isn't known for her patience." With that, she ducked down and went into the cave. The four of us followed her into the cave and I wasn't shocked one bit when the oversized spiders came down from the ceiling and attacked us.

I absolutely hated spiders. They were the worst thing the Maker could have ever created. I didn't even see the point of them. A good part of me wanted to run screaming in the other direction, but that other part of me forced me to stay and fight. Each and every part of the cursed cave seemed to have giant spiders in them that made my skin crawl. I really didn't want my companions to know about my rediculous fear of aracnids. It was a stupid fear, and the last thing I wanted Varric to know about me. By the time we reached the other end of the cave, we could barely see inside the cave. Anders set up a fire, while I pulled bedrolls out of my pack. As tired as I was from not sleeping at all the night before, I didn't think that I would be able to pass out, but I was proven wrong once I laid my head on the bedroll. I was completely out cold, hoping no spiders would come out and eat us all while we slept.

* * *

I awoke the next morning, still tired, but ready to finish the job. We packed up camp quickly, not wanting to spend anymore time in the cave, and Merrill led the way out of the cave, making me realize that it would have been foolish to try to get out when we couldn't see a thing. When we finally got out of the Maker-awful cave, we came upon a magical barrier, one that wouldn't let us go any farther. Merrill stepped forward, "I can open the way. One moment." I thought that she was going to use some Dalish Keeper spell to let us past the barrier, instead, she pulled out a dagger, slit her hand open, called on somekind of demon to help her out-I heard the same humming whisper as before-and the blood shot at the barrier with her blood magic. I stared at the small elf in shock, unable to believe what she had just done.

"Blood magic?" Fenris shook his head. "Foolish. Very foolish."

"Yes, it was blood magic, but I know what I'm doing. The spirit helped us, didn't it?" Merrill looked wide-eyed at me, as though she thought that I would come to her rescue.

"Call it what it is. You summoned a demon," I accused rightfully. The last thing I wanted was for her to go crazy with power in Kirkwall.

"Demons are just spirits. Like honor or joy. It's not their fault they are what they are," Merrill defended.

"'Ignore the tiger. Not it's fault that it's going to eat you,'" Fenris nearly growled. "Sound advice."

Merrill managed to ignore the insult, "Be careful up ahead. Restless things prowl the heights." She stepped through the barrier and looked around at all the gravestones. "In the days of Arlathan, the elders came here to sleep. Uthenera. The endless dream, they called it...But they don't sleep peacefully anymore."

As soon as we stepped into the barrial ground, elven corpses raised up from the ground. I shook my head, it could have had something to do with the blood magic Merrill had used-I don't know. "Maker not again," I sighed as I pulled my staff out and began fighting against the corpses. I hated the fact that just a small tare in the Vail could cause the dead to rise up and fight, but at the moment, I couldn't ponder on it. The alter was just ahead, and we were so close, I didn't need to get distracted anymore than I already was by my thoughts.

"Don't worry, I've got your back, Hawke," Varric grinned at me once the fighting was over and done with.

"Thanks," I laughed. "And I have yours."

Merrill didn't say a thing as she took the amulet from me and stepped towards the alter. She sat the amulet on the alter and held out a hand, "Hahren na melana sahlin. Emma ir abelas souver'inan isala hamin vhenan him dor'felas. In uthenera na revas."

There was that swirling light I had seen a year ago when the dragon that was Flemeth had turned to her human form. Flemeth stepped from inside the amulet and down from the alter. She smiled as soon as she saw me. "Aaah, and here we are!" her smile brightened.

"A witch!" Fenris backed up.

"It's all right, Fenris," Merrill sighed. "She means us no harm." She turned to Flemeth and bowed deeply, "Andaran atish'an, Asha'bellanar."

"One of the people, I see, so young and bright," Flemeth looked down at Merrill. "Do you know who I am, beyond that title?"

"I know only a little," Merrill replied, still bowing to the witch.

"Then stand," Flemeth shook her head, a small smile played on her lips. "The people bend their knee too quickly." She turned back to me, "So refreshing to see someone who keeps their end of a bargain. I half-expected my amulet to end up in a merchant's pocket!"

"I agreed to deliver the amulet, though you could have told me you were inside it," I frowned.

"Just a piece. A small piece, but it was all I needed," Flemeth shook her head. "A bit of security, should the inevitable occur. And if I know my Morrigan, it already has."

"You are no simple witch," Fenris observed.

"Figured that out yourself, did you?" Flemeth smirked.

"I have seen powerful mages, spirits, and abominations. But you are none of those things," Fenris frowned. "But you are none of those things. What are you?"

"Such a curious lad," Flemeth tilted her head. "The chains are broken, but are you truly free?"

Fenris didn't look happy, but he managed to keep his voice even, "You see a great deal."

"I am a fly n the ointment. I am a whisper in the shadows. I am also an old, old woman. More than that you need not know," Flemeth smiled slightly at Fenris.

"Who is this Morrigan? Is this someone I should know?" I frowned.

"She's a girl who thinks she knows what is what better than I, or anyone," Flemeth let out what sounded like a joyful laugh, "And why not? I raised her to be as she is! I cannot expect her to be less!"

"I'm not sure whether she's your daughter or your enemy," I couldn't get the frown to leave my face. The old witch knew how to confuse you, that was for sure.

"Neither is she," Flemeth said in almost a whisper.

"Why did you need me to bring you here?" I asked.

"Because I had an appointment to keep!" she smiled. "And because I did not want to be followed. You smuggled me here quite nicely."

"I don't understand. Are you some kind of vision?" I wondered aloud.

Flemeth laughed as though I'd just said the funniest thing in the world. Once she calmed down, she smiled knowingly at me, "Must I be in only one place? Bodies are such limiting things. I am but a fragment cast adrift from the whole. A bit of lotsam to cling to in the storm!"

"A fragment?" I prayed to the Maker that I wasn't the only confused one out of my companions.

Flemeth stepped forward until she was inches away from me, "You do not need to understand, child. Know only that you may have saved my life, just as I once saved yours. An even trade, I think." She stepped back over towards the alter and turned back to face us. I knew right then, the witch wasn't going to give me any straight answers to any of my questions, no matter how hard I tried to understand what she was saying.

"You have plans, I take it?" I assumed.

"Destiny awaits us both, dear girl," Flemeth answered. "We have much to do. Before I go, a word of advice?" She turned and looked out at the mountains in the distance. "We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment...and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap." Slowly, she moved her body so she could look at me again, "It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly."

"What should I do?" I really didn't get what she was saying to me to begin with, but I was hoping that she would give me a straight answer here.

"Do as I do. Become a dragon!" she threw her head back and laughed. Then, in a split second, she became serious again, "You could never be a dragon." She turned to Merrill, "As for you, child, step carefully. No path is darker than when your eyes are shut."

"Ma serannas, Asha'bellanar," Merrill bowed slightly, but not fully this time.

"Now the time has come for me to leave," Flemeth moved towards me once again. There was something in her eyes that looked almost like pity, "You have my thanks...and my sympathy."

Before I could ask her what she ment by "and my sympathy" she whirled around quickly, and in a flash of light, she was in her dragon form and flying away from us. Merrill ran after her until she reached the edge of the cliff. On the alter, when there had been nothing there, there were eight sovriegns. I frowned and picked them off of the alter.

"Well, look at the bright side, Hawke," Varric smirked, "the witch paid you well for just bringing an amulet here."

"We still have to take it back to Keeper Marethari," I sighed. Flemeth's last words were bothering me. What destany was laid out before me? How could she possibly know what was ahead for me? I kept on wondering this as I made my way back down Sundermount.

It didn't take nearly as long as it did to going down the mountain instead of up. We made it back to the Dalish camp just as the afternoon hit the Free Marches. Marethari was waiting for us at the bottom of the mountain, like she'd been expecting us to arrive anytime.

"Ma serannas, child," Marethari sighed as she took the amulet from me. "Your debt is paid in full." She turned to Merrill and frowned, "It isn't too late to change your mind, da'len."

"Dareth shiral, Keeper," Merrill placed her hand on Marethari's shoulder, then she turned to me, "I'm ready. Let's depart."

I nodded, and as we left, I could feel Keeper Marethari's sad eyes watching us leave their camp. On the way back to Kirkwall, Varric had named off several places in Kirkwall where Merrill could stay, but the only place we could fully think of where she would blend in without drawing attention to herself was the alienage. I wasn't sure if she'd want to live there, it was a long way from what she was normally used to, but anywhere else and she'd be pinpointed as an apostate right away. Varric and I were sure of this, and the young mage reminded me so much of Bethany-save for the blood magic-I had to make sure that she'd be safe. And that ment the alienage.

Merrill's eyes widened sadly as she looked around the alienage, "Elgar'nan. Is this...is this really where the elves live?"

"Yes. This is it," Fenris said coldly.

"Not the prettiest part of Kirkwall, but it doesn't have a view of the giant chains," Varric shrugged. "Take what you can get."

"I didn't think it would be so... so..." Merrill turned away from us and took a deep breath before she turned back to us. "I've never seen so many people in one place before. It seems so lonely."

"You already know me," I smiled slightly. I resisted the urge not to elbow Fenris when he made a scoffing sound. "You'll make other friends soon enough."

"I...thank you," Merrill shifted uncomfortably. She moved over to me quickly and grabbed my hands, "Thank you for everything. For all your help." I nodded with a small smile on my face and the little elf's ears pirked up, "Will you come visit me? Not now, of course. But maybe later? I could use a friend."

"I'd like that, Merrill," I smiled brightly. Perhaps with my influence, she'd stop using blood magic.

"Thank you," she giggled. "I'm thanking you too much, aren't I? I mean it, though." She turned around and went into her new home that Varric managed to get for her in short notice.

"So, what are you going to do now, Hawke?" Varric smirked at me.

"I'm going home and spending time with my family," I yawned. "And maybe I'll actually get some real sleep."

"If you're up later, stop by the Hanged Man," Varric turned to Fenris and Anders. "What about the two of you? Up for some drinks? I'll pay, since I know neither of you can afford it."

I laughed at them. The three of them walked with me the rest of the way to Gamlen's house, since it was on their way to the Hanged Man. I said good-bye to my friends and readied myself for Carver. When I got through the door, Carver was standing in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames. I took the bundle of letters from my robes and smiled, "Here, I got you something."

"Why?" Carver frowned.

"We ended on a tense note the last time we spoke privately," I sighed. "Take it as you will."

Carver took the bundle and opened one of the letters. His eyes widened and he looked up at me, "These are by Father? Are you sure they aren't meant for you? I bet another mage could get more out of them." I shook my head and pointed to the letter. Carver frowned at me and looked down again, "'For your service that cannot be admitted, I ask that you accept this trinket, and know that I shall respect your name. Thank you, conscience of the order, Ser Maurevar...Carver." His head popped up and his eyes widened even more so, "Carver?"

"The templar who allowed Father to leave Kirkwall. Your namesake," I smiled lightly at him.

"A templar?" Carver sounded as shocked as I was when I first discovered the news. "Have we met a templar who isn't a colossal prig?"

"Well, there you go then," I smirked.

"I wonder how it compares to yours," Carver glared at me.

"I'm sure someone thought far too long on my name," I sighed. "Point is, this was a swordsman."

Carver looked down at the letters again and smiled slightly, "A man who let him look ahead. It would always mean, 'skill thoughtfully applied'. Not exactly 'master of all blades', but Father actually thought there was worth to a swordsman. Thank you, Sister. It's...a connection I didn't think was there."

"I'm glad," I couldn't stop the yawn that escaped my mouth. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a nap. If you want, you can go ahead to the Hanged Man. I'm sure everyone will be happy to share their drinks with you."

"Since when have you been so nice, Shilo?" Carver frowned at me. He shook his head and smiled, "Don't answer that. You go to bed, I'll see you later when you wake up."

I called Raven to me to crawl into bed with me. I wrapped my arms around the mabari and snuggled against his fur as I felt sleep take me away.


End file.
